Is a child molester worse than a child killer?

is a child molester worse

I just want to clarify that without a doubt – no form of abuse or harm, whatsoever to any living thing, is alright by me. I spend most of my waking moments and my work towards protecting our kids and vulnerable populations like animals, the elderly and handicapped as well. That was my whole focus for completing my Criminology degree – to be an advocate and a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. With my psyche background, curiosity and life experiences I am led to many thoughts. Some I didn’t even know I would contemplate before I started my journey into crime and the criminal mind (as it were :)) I myself, have an analytical mind and like to have answers to things until there are no more questions left to wonder! And so with this in mind, I wonder if a child molester/abuser is worse than a child killer? I think to myself at least the child is dead at the hands of the killer and not turned into the living dead by the pedophiles in the world? My beliefs allow me to believe that the spirit of the murdered child will get a chance to return to the world if that is what existence means, but like I say – the child left alive is trapped in a living hell of self-doubt and self-flagellation/torture and that’s after the abuse has ceased. Sexual molestation is usually a prolonged relationship – an ongoing grooming and manipulation in order to keep the secret and obtain what the predator wants. Sometimes this goes on for years and is often times familial, or someone known to the victim, creating more guilt and a necessity for secrecy due to shame and embarrassment. So which is worse? Either way the victim and their family suffers and never would or should anyone have to make a choice between the two, but I am curious as to others’ understanding of the actual offender. And I also believe that if we discuss things like this more, we will gain a greater understanding of the predator and how we keep our children safe… So back to my question whether the child molester is worse than the child killer? Or are they just as bad as each other because whichever way you cut it, the life of the victim is taken away – physically or life as they should know it – but gone for good so that nothing is ever the same.

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55 thoughts on “Is a child molester worse than a child killer?

  1. I can’t say that I completely agree, but then again I’ve never really thought of it quite like that before. Thanks for giving me something to think about when I’m supposed to have an empty mind while trying to fall asleep tonight lol..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not sure I agree that humans are programmable… Some in certain circumstances, yes. But if that were ultimately true, wouldn’t slavery still be in an horrendous upward swing? Revolutions, wars, uprisings – none of these would exist. People who break out of the program are not necessarily evil, good right or wrong… They are just fighting against an injustice. And some are even programmable via religion but others eventually speak out. From Jim Jones and coolaid of the 70’s to Leah Rehmini exposing scientology now. Humans are not predictable or programmable in a complete sense, therefore the failure of these “cults” for want of a better word. Just my opinion and would love to hear your response DeRicki😀

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  3. I feel life is always preferable to death, even burdened with unimaginable suffering. We are meant to be here, as long as we can – to learn as much as we can. Some horribly tortured and abused slave held a line that created me. I’m grateful, and will add another stone to the pile. Maybe someone near the top will gain a perspective that will give humanity a better perspective. (Or, maybe just cause a cleansing landslide. 😉

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      • Thank you for this thought provoking essay! Too often we are repelled from the horror of our inhumanity to each other to examine it, and find a way out. How can we evolve as a species if we don’t examine our dark nature and determine a way to correct it? It’s bad programming. Humans are programmable, and we are constantly being programmed – mostly to generate wealth for those powerful enough to know this, and have the resources to leverage it. Why not recognize that we are programmable, and program a way out of our destructive tendencies? I agree that a good start is to humanely remove individuals with bad wiring from society. These are broken individuals beyond probably beyond reprogramming. The next is to turn our considerable collective intelligence toward helping those with proper wiring, but programming that has been corrupted by contact with these “badly wired individuals.” I think the confluence of technologies like DNA manipulation and machine learning that is transferable to human intellect can be redirected toward research into helping victims to live full, satisfying, productive lives. I don’t think we can eradicate suffering anytime soon. It seems to be part of life’s current equation. But, we can help each other to survive damaging viral contact with (for now) uncorrectable evil (people with bad wiring). Now, the biggest challenge to this path is that evil will seize upon such technology to reprogram society, not to be free thinking, self-directed, self-healing and creative; but, to be slaves – a scary point in our journey.

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        • Thanks but I’m not sure I agree that humans are programmable. Some in certain circumstances, yes. But if that were ultimately true, wouldn’t slavery still be in an horrendous upward swing? Revolutions, wars, uprisings… none of these would exist. People who break out of the program are not necessarily evil, good right or wrong. They are just fighting against an injustice perceived by them. And some are even programmable via religion but others eventually speak out. From Jim Jones and coolaid of the 70’s to Leah Rehmini exposing scientology now. Humans are not predictable or programmable in a complete sense, therefore the failure of these “cults”, for want of a better word. Just my opinion and would love to hear your response DeRicki😀

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  4. This has been an incredibly difficult piece to read and the comments even more difficult. I know that no one meant to insinuate that my life and lives of thousands of other sexual abuse survivors have no value or that we are destined to be irreparably broken but that is what some of these responses imply. Yes, my life can be very difficult and I have scars on my soul, but also have a full time job, a long term relationship, two great kids, was a social worker for twenty years and I have a voice that I try to use to help other survivors feel less isolated and silenced. I think my life has value. Even in my darkest moments I am so grateful that my voice was not silenced permanently and I believe that many others share this opinion. Be gentle kind people– do not further victimize me and other survivors of child sexual abuse by telling us that we are permanently damaged and will never be “normal.”

    Liked by 3 people

    • I’m so sorry you have suffered. I too am a survivor. I totally agree with you and celebrate your victory in spite of these things. My question was not to imply that we are completely broken, definitely completely changed though. Some of the responses are not focussed on the perpetrators, which is where my question was directed. I apologize profusely for any pain or distress caused to you by this piece or any responses. I only mean for this blog to be an inspirational, supportive and helpful site. Thank you so much for commenting. Peace, love and light

      Liked by 2 people

  5. As someone who has known/know women who have been sexually-abused, as “normal” as their adult-life may seem to outsiders, their life is far from “normal”. “T”, my 3rd wife, was her father’s “sex-toy” for about ten years, beginning in her early-teens. Yes, she married and raised a family, but even in her 50’s, she still had a “pay-for-play” mentality. If I gave her something, usually money, she gave me sex. No money, no sex. She had forgiven her father, but the abuse still marred her relationships.

    I met “J” on an internet dating site. She admitted that she had had “problems with dad”, had been sexually-abused. She had fallen in love in her mid-20’s, but her fiance died before they got married. She was still single in her 50’s. When we discussed married “sleeping-arrangements”, she told me that she couldn’t kick her dozen cats out of her bed, even for one night. Abuse still marred any attempts at a romantic relationship.

    “L”, my neighbor, was raped when she was quite young, and her mother had been the enabler. She married quite young, but that relationship was short-lived. She even lived with a man for a while, but it was never a “stable” relationship. She is in her late-40’s, still sleeps in pants and panties in her own bed, in her own home, and refuses to be examined by a male doctor. After her gallbladder surgery, when she came-to enough to know what was going on, she realized that her panties had been removed in the operating-room, and she went ballistic. I had to find a FEMALE nurse to come in and help her put her panties back on, even though she was covered by her gown, a sheet and a blanket. I could recount many more stories like that, and I have only known her for three years.

    From what I have observed, children who have been sexually-abuse DO NOT grow up to have “normal” lives, even if their lives may seem “normal” to an outsider. Whose who take the life of a child, whether through abuse or murder, do NOT “deserve” to live. Thus ends my rant.

    Blessings!

    Steve

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh Steve, thank you so very much for writing this! 🙂 I am more than happy to read your rants – any time! And totally agree – pedos need a bullet – the 35c solution is the only way to stop them. Blessings, love and light to you, thank you again for sharing 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. You are murdering the innocence of the child. Regardless if it’s molestation or murder, not only is the offender most likely repeating a cycle of violence from his or her past; but they destroying the child that was there before they were victimized. There are extreme cases like war and survival were a child is killed in self defense or others, but that’s different.
    For a murderer of a child or a child molester, there is something DRASTICALLY wrong with that person. They most likely NEVER got the help when they were children themselves. But once the act is committed, they have reached a point; which is beyond clemency.
    Their own atonement and self accountability is how they will live the rest of their lives…should they be spared. (But even then, there existence is no longer accepted in my book and considered a threat to society, indefinitely)

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  7. Child molester for me is worse. They put children in misery — even if it doesn’t manifest on the early stages. However, PTSD (if I am not mistaken) will occur sooner or later. The child has no way out of this misery; even when (s)he gets older and would eventually end up in therapy if they choose to. But then, both are still very wrong. And it breaks my heart seeing victims of this.

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  8. ” I think to myself at least the child is dead at the hands of the killer and not turned into the living dead by the pedophiles in the world?” “the child left alive is trapped in a living hell of self-doubt and self-flagellation/torture and that’s after the abuse has ceased. ” These two lines really grabbed me! There is more truth in these words than many will ever realize. But to me, even once the actual abuse ceases, the abuse continues – mental and emotional abuse, and in THAT sense, the abuse never stops. The murders take a life on one day – the molesters take the life over and over and over again every single day.

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  9. There are two perspectives to this issue. The first I’ll approach is the perpetrator. There is no cure for pedophiles. They are simply wired wrong and will continue to abuse children given the chance, so life in prison is the only sure way. A murderer could possibly be rehabilitated, though our justice system is becoming a for profit warehouse for criminals that doesn’t address this. From the perspective of the victim I would say that where there is life, there is hope. Many abused people end up leading fulfilling lives and find love and can mend to a degree. The human spirit is resilient. Though I agree they are never truly whole. My problem with this discussion is that it sits dangerously close to a slippery slope. One could interpret what is being said as: humans that are irreparably damaged are better off dead. I agree with you that all life is precious so I have a hard time with this sentiment. If one truly believes that a child is better off killed than abused, due to the irreparable nature of the damage, than wouldn’t the same be true of women who are raped, children born with disabilities or veterans with PTSD? You see the slippery slope dilemma. Maybe I’m digging too deep into this…I don’t know. My opinion is that alive is always better than dead, unless we’re talking about terminal illness and excruciating pain, and pedophiles need to be segregated from the population for life. (Sorry the comment was so long)

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    • Please don’t apologise! 🙂 This was why I posted this – and I think one of the big differences out of this is that having PTSD doesn’t make you force your PTSD on anyone else, being raped doesn’t make a woman a rapist (I use the female as this is the commonly referred to sex of rape – I know men are raped too but just to keep it simple) – I suffer incredible pain but don’t inflict that on my fellow man, a child born with disabilities doesn’t create another disabled – a paedophile does. I don’t believe they are rehabilitative either – and therefore I promote the 35 cent solution! 🙂 Warehousing paedophiles together is an appalling thought for me and why should the taxpayer pay for him to watch tv when somewhere a little kid can’t stand watching tv cos some freak made him watch cartoon porn before they messed with them…that’s just a simple example of the damage done. If we take your argument with regards to the paedophile and say well, let’s look at other damaged things that we will never use again and can’t fix – I think we throw them away! 🙂 Again, this is only my opinion and I can’t thank you enough for responding Eric! 🙂 Look forward to the next instalment!

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      • Thanks 🙂
        I, too, have a hard time with the idea of warehousing them. However, I’ve never been a huge fan of the idea of execution, as it seems hypocritical in most cases to say, “it’s wrong to kill, so we’re going to kill you,” but with pedophiles I would probably make an exception.
        Although there is statistical evidence that being sexually abused as a child leads to being an abuser…this is typically only around 12%. I guess my uneasiness is that it sounds like you’re saying that a child is better off dead than abused, so by extension…are you saying that if you found an abused child you would be doing them a service by using a 35 cent solution on them as well? Putting them out of their misery, so to speak? As well as eliminating the chance that they belong to the 12% minority who would later in life become a pedophile?
        I’m just trying to wrap my head around the full ramifications of this outlook.

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        • Oh absolutely not – no way do I advocate or implicate that the child should be “put out of its misery” – sorry if that is what you understood – no I mean the 35c solution is worthy of all evidence, fact-based proven paedophiles only! 🙂 I know, I feel the same about the death penalty but as far as paedophiles go, I fully support it. I even think a family member of the victim would like the pleasure of pressing the button/pulling the trigger etc and feel damn good about it. I have no sympathy for anyone who hurts the vulnerable. Unfortunately the statistics are not true – these are stats only based on the reported crime – how many of us told that that had happened or was happening to us? A very very small percent actually get to the police to be reported. So already there is this giant underneath of an ice berg of unknown statistics, the ‘dark figure of crime’ so to speak. A much larger percent of sex crimes are unreported due to facts like it’s embarrassing, their family has been threatened by the offender, they feel shamed or that they have done something wrong to bring this on themselves…it’s such a complicated offence – and delicate, any sex crime is because it is so very personal. But to clarify again, I only advocate (and strongly) for the death penalty for the paedophile – you can’t rehabilitate them – but you can rehabilitate the victim, hope that clears that up! 🙂

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          • Oh…ok. Yes, that makes perfect sense and I agree that the stats are not reliable. Thank you for the discussion. I took some psychology courses on violence and victimology and worked for a short time at a social agency that dealt with domestic violence and had a safe house, so this is close to my heart. 🙂

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            • Oh me too! This is why I write about it – it’s not an easy topic to put out there but I think we need discussion around this – I branched a little off track with my crim degree and also covered Critical Issues in Violence papers and suicide – also needs to be spoken about and opened up. At the police I covered everything and anything but spent 5 months compiling suicide research with data from the actual coroner reports – very depressing but was also super interesting. And this, child abuse is my biggest focus – any vulnerable population – animals, elderly, the handicapped/incapacitated and kids. Our poor kids 😦 So glad to chat Erich – wish we could save them all, blessings to you and thanks 🙂

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    • I absolutely agree with you. I think where there is life, there is hope and where there is hope, there’s the possibility of change.

      A child’s death is the end of it and yes, their pain will permanently effect them, but it’s the people who’ve over come the abuse that make the changes in the world to help protect others. There are too many people in my life who have survived and overcome these things to think that the world, or their world, would be better if the end of their torment was an immediate death.

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  10. Pingback: Is a child molester worse than a child killer? | Armor Of God Foundation

  11. Killing can never be right when it relates to children, I’m all in favour of the death penalty coming back. Abuse is just so much worse when the victims are groomed and abused by multiple adults. There can be no justification for this behaviour whether it’s carried out by a man or a woman. In my humble opinion anyone guilty of child molestation deserves to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. Life imprisonment should be the minimum term given to either child killers or molesters. No matter who they are as no one is above the law, not even the monarchy.

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  12. i’d venture a guess that the molester is far worst…a child’s soul goes to heaven…when a child is groomed/conditioned to “accept” the abuse it becomes very hard to get past it…AND often the victim ends up meeting/relating to abusers and the cycle continues

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I completely agree. It’s like when you see an animal, slowly dying in agonizing pain, it’s better to kill it just to end it’s suffering. I think it’s much worse to suffer than to die.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Allison, I respect and can relate to your desire to be humane, but if you see me suffering – please don’t kill me! Where there is Life, there is hope. Imagine if Steven Hawking had been “put down,” rather than being allowed to live a life that certainly has its share of suffering. I don’t think we’re qualified to reliably determine whom should live or die. And I don’t think eradication of suffering is really possible at this stage of human development (or perhaps even beneficial to the advancement of our species – for as hard as it may seem, pain often is the catalyst for us to rise.)

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