The doyley of pain

/ Kait King

Doyley of pain

So I’m asked to describe how I concentrate to write or focus on anything when pain is such a major contributor in my life and a permanent. I thought about it for a second. The doctor had used the whiteboard and drawn “my brain” with pain in the background and words like focus, concentration, motivation scribbled at the front with arrows looking like they were trying to get into my brain. Understandably these things all present a challenge but the way I see it, is that the pain is like an intricate piece of lace that is draped across my brain. In between the detailed lacy gaps things like concentration, motivation and focus do filter through. And depending on how tight the stitching is sometimes it is easier for those things to flow through and other times not so much. This might make sense to some of you – I’m not sure.

Also I’m not big on the word hope. I don’t want hope – I want it sorted now or I will just live with it until some such miracle cure arrives – but I’m not spending my life or any time at all with the hope that I will be fine again. It is what it is. They say hope is a word used for people who don’t want to accept. That is not who I want to be – I know a part of me longs for my body to be pain free but that is just not how it is.

I believe that determination comes from my soul and I will carve my way through whatever it is the universe chooses to share with me and be grateful at the same time – because even though I can’t walk very far, I can write – just a different double u (w)…. 🙂

© Kait King, 2015

72 thoughts on “The doyley of pain”

  1. Pingback: The doyley of pain – Come sit with me for a little while….

  4. I understand what you are saying, totally. As a veteran and being diagnosed with PTSD after many therapy sessions I have learned so much about myself and why I am who I am today. Hope is not a word that I use or have reflected on when speaking to others. I believe that “I can do it” or “I can get through this”. Believing in oneself will make you achieve far greater things, more than “hope” ever will.

    Get well soon and keep on believing 😉

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      • You’re very welcome Kait, we have our bad days and good days but what’s important is how we handle them. Through my many months of therapy I learned about the triggers, and how to break the cycle. You’re not alone and if you ever need to talk please reach out to me. Happy to help, however I can. Keep well, you are doing amazing and in time your heart will heal. 😉

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  9. I love that!! You said even though you can’t walk far but you can write!! That’s amazing. You seem like an amazing person. Thank you. People need to know what you said. Your doing the best with what you’ve got. So awesome and thanks again

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  12. Your a inspiration and I love your poetry ! I agree with one of the bloggers up there physical and emotional pain make words flow the harder life is the easier to write. I know first hand unfortunately! Get well feel better 😊💜

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  13. It seems like a lot of writers use “pain”, in whatever form, emotional, physical, spiritual, as the source for their writing. Even though you don’t like the word hope, I do hope you find relief, sooner, rather than later.

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  17. I fully understand what you mean about pain. Several years ago I had a significant drug reaction, and it led to Steven-Johnson Syndrome. Until that point I was healthy. I ate undercooked chicken in a restaurant, and it led to several conditions that I now live with. I question how I can write through the pain. Quite frankly it has become just another layer of my existence. There are bad moments, but I refuse to let anything stand in my way. The doctors gave up on me twice when things were horrible, but I refused to roll over for any reason. So here I am with my daily pills and a whole lot to write about. It is true that whatever does not kill you will make you stronger.

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  18. fuck. this really hit home. honestly, hope is just a simple minded concept to give people a reason to keep going when they cant find anything else. like the concept of love. people use it to do bad things to good people. for example, cheating, suicide, bullying. like, you love someone so you hit them and push them down just so they will never know. but pain, pain is real and it will stay forever, no matter what.

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    • At the core of all pain is some cause, physical, mental, spiritual… Sometimes more than one cause. Hope is important if there is reason to, otherwise it’s false. Perhaps it’s insightful to see past the hope and look at what you can do to create a better “new” reality without that word, hope. When it’s crystal clear why bury your head…. Thanks so much for commenting, not having hope doesn’t mean you are giving up, it means you’re planning for your now 🙂 Peace, love n light

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  19. Pingback: From my favourite author who tells it like it is. | barclaydave

  20. Stay strong – your writing is beautiful and many time resonates with how I am feeling. Thank you for that.
    My writing is inspired by my pain – relationships. I am thankful that this type of pain may be debilitating at first but it eventually makes you stronger and hopefully smarter. I feel for you and the physical pain you deal with everyday.

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    • Oh thank you so much – yeah, life’s a bitch sometimes 😉 I do know I’m so blessed with my family and where I live and oh so many more blessings – just this one thing….but it’s made a writer out of me I believe – or at least a writer in progress! Blessings, love and light to you and yours, thank you for your empathy and understanding xoxo

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      • The saying goes “everything happens for a reason” and not that anyone would ever wish pain on you or hope that you have surgeries that go wrong for a particular reason, but all of the positive changes you have listed that has come because of this tragedy is testimony that good can come from anything! Keep your head up and your heart high! Sending prayers your way! 🌸🌸

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  21. Pingback: The doyley of pain – Truth Troubles: Why people hate the truths' of the real world

    • Oh thank you so much! 🙂 Well it’s a chronic acute neurological damage from two failed surgeries – first one was my intercostal nerve that got damaged during surgery for a collapsed lung – performed by an unqualified person!! 😦 Second one was failed back surgery, supposed to be minor but ended up being major instead! So got the first one under control after about 5 years and battling with 2013 surgery which re-ignited nerve damage from my chest in ’98 – so have a bad story – and apparently inoperable and permanent…Had all these blood tests etc done to find out if I had anything that predisposed me to a disease causing my pain etc – but no, 100% healthy except for what some surgeon or two has done to damage me. That’s crap coz really I should be fine…. So in a nutshell – I’m screwed lol – I can only write, thank the universe, as I would be devastated and quite possibly dead by now! Thank you so much for your words of inspiration 🙂 xx

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