Oh no, I can’t get over it…

Getting over it - whatever

Somehow you get through – it’s not even that you learn to live with these things – they stay in our lives forever as part of who we are. In fact these are the things that make us who we are. They used to say this kind of suffering was character building. That may or may not be so, for me, it allows great reflection and understanding of my capacity to love and give love and in turn what it means to lose that.

One of the annoying things friends and family expect, is for you to “get over it” after a certain amount of time – whatever that time is. But there is nothing to get over. You can’t just imagine it’s behind you – things are not behind us, they are all a part of us. We carry them with the sum of ourselves. Maybe by putting things behind us we let our guard down, we love too easily again, we get hurt so much more because of that. Taking the good and the bad experiences is what makes you the person you are. Are you a fighter? Do you run away? Are you persistent? Do you give up? Whatever you do, you have to live with it – you don’t learn to live with it – there is no manual. You have no choice, choice has been removed from this section of your life and a loss of some kind has left a crater and a giant rock in the same place. Luckily the giant rock plugs up a lot of the feelings for a while – this is often known as shock. Eventually the putridness of your trapped feelings in this hole in your heart starts building up a mass of toxic gasses which must be expelled. This build up, over any period of time (as long as it takes you), causes a massive explosion. The giant rock is blasted apart from the hole in your heart. The tiny splinters of angst, hurt, devotion, honor,disbelief, love and any other betrayed related feeling you can imagine, is dug deeply into your heart and mind. Each little splinter of that pain has barbs of doubt, guilt and confusion holding them in place in your heart. And we can’t let go or it can’t let go of us or we don’t give ourselves permission to keep moving forward even though we are cemented in that time of tragedy and know that’s impossible, isn’t it?

The hard part is learning to navigate around these losses, grievances and betrayals, eventually like a powerful river we keep flowing around these rocks of hurt that seem like they will never shift or move. But they do erode – the erosion is so subtle and slow we don’t even notice and so it is, I believe, with tragedy, loss and grief; be that for a living being or a relationship of any kind. Loss leaves a big hole and a giant rock that you drag around with you all the time. Afterwards we question everything said and done, what could have been different, the “if only’s” and the “what if’s” with hopeless, empty dreams. Nothing can be changed. It is what it is, but I know I fight against this too, even though I understand the futility of the fight!

I think only in time will I manage to erode down that rock of loss, will I be able to take the sharp edges off and flow a little easier around the things put in my way that I have no way of changing. Perhaps time won’t heal the wounds, but perhaps time allows my river of life to smooth the edges of hurt. Perhaps it lets me build up strength so that I can push past that hurt easier, every time I have to go past that hurt again. Because it doesn’t go away….

80 thoughts on “Oh no, I can’t get over it…

  1. Pingback: Oh no, I can’t get over it… | Nobody is Alone

  2. The most difficult part is when you are in the middle of this journey and you have no idea how far you still need to travel……it’s inspiring ,to know that I am not the only one struggling through this journey….thanks

    Liked by 3 people

  3. It IS like a rock and a hole…makes 1 wonder how its possible that emptiness can feel so heavy…oh if rocks had wings…
    Perhaps if all the rocks came together and became 1 the edges would seal and smooth over…and instead of feeling buried by the weight of them the now 1 rock could support us all…
    Beautiful post…Alexandra

    Liked by 3 people

  4. We DON’T have a “get-over-it-now” switch, and if we don’t “process” those “bad” things in our lives adequately, they WILL come back to haunt us later. I had “buried” 57 years worth of bad memories before I finally had to dig them up and confront them. After my last wife abruptly left me in 2013 AND the last “prop” I had was kicked out from under me, it was either “dig or die”, so I started “digging”. The next six months were HELL, as I dug up and confronted memories going back to my early-childhood. Rejection, abandonment, perfectionism, failure after failure, you name it, I had it. Yes, it was tough, it was HELL, but I came away from the process having much made peace as best I could with my past. A lot of my blog grew out of that effort.


    Liked by 4 people

  5. I needed someone to whisper this to me when I concealed all my burdens with a timid smile..somehow we only need the people around us to remind us of where we’ve been and how better and stronger it’s made us and not telling us to get over it. No matter how much stronger we think we have become, we are still drawn by those people and things that wrecked us. Your post is gospel love. Thank you for speaking up for meπŸ’™

    Liked by 4 people

  6. I really liked this, a lot of what I am going through right now is explained in this. Could I use a few quotes for my blog? I would of course give you credit, no one reads my blog though.


    Liked by 5 people

    • πŸ™‚ lol – yes H, you are most welcome to use this – if it can help you or someone else get around stuff that is happening, then I am most grateful to be a part of that πŸ™‚ I hope things get easier soon for you H, here’s to the edges getting chipped off πŸ˜‰ take care and thanks for stopping by!

      Liked by 2 people

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