The Double Edged Sword

double egd sword

My sister went with me, a few years ago now, to an insurance assessment (for want of a better word)! And I came away needing to do eleventeen blood tests and pee in a bottle etc. I also came away feeling angry as I believed this meeting was supposed to have been to assess the level of disability I suffered from the nerve damage, acute chronic neuralgic pain syndrome, epidural fibrosis, hypersensitivity and arachnoidosis (due to two failed surgeries – this is in a nutshell). I wasn’t supposed to be diagnosed again, surely! Why hadn’t the specialist received the right instructions as in: this is an assessment not a diagnosis – we know she’s fucked we just want you to tell us by how much. So he tests and pricks and squeezes and listens – asks a million questions and of course, being paid by the insurance company the implication is that I have had pre-existing conditions and that I was susceptible to this nerve damage = no pay out for Kait – no way to fix Kait – permanent and inoperable – Yippee for the insurance company – bad luck for me.

Anyway I kept my cool, I went for those tests, to more doctors, more reminders of how hard it is to get around, how dependant I am in certain circumstances, how limited I am – yadda yadda yadda. My sister takes time off from work again to take me to the second meeting which we have had to wait 5 weeks to get. We are shuffled into his office and he slowly goes through all eleventeen tests and …. all of my tests have come back clear.

I have always been fit and healthy and I have always known that I have never had a pre-existing condition. This is what they tried to do with me 17 years ago when I had my first treatment injury. I was supposed to have microsurgery – that’s what I signed for and what was explained to me by the registrar. I had a collapsed lung at the time so it was serious.

So I go into surgery and a practising thoracic surgeon who is not qualified yet, butchers me and gives me a major thoracotomy – stitches the tubes into my nerves in my lung . Then the tubes that drain off the excess fluid from your lung as you heal, must be removed after 3 or so days, the nurse pulls it out in one movement as you breathe out and supposedly out comes the tube….and yes the tube came out, after it was yanked so hard the nerves were dragged to the outside of the wound from the tube placement. Long story short – I am sent to hell. I never really got back. I am given several epidurals up and down my spine, Pethidine shots and all sorts of crap to control it. Apparently I almost died.

In order to be able to get home after 17 days in ICU I end up on mountains of heavily monitored medication like methadone, fentanyl, gabapentin, and loads of other stuff to just keep me like a zombie. So now it was a living hell, no medical support. I weaned myself off all of that shit over 5 years and they had told me I would be on it forever – that I would be an invalid for the rest of my life. I wasn’t that kind of person so I healed myself, taught myself, coped myself – with no support whatsoever from any medical background, just my amazing family who had to put up with me. That was in 1998 and then another failed surgery in 2013.

But what was interesting was when I argued that I had signed for minor keyhole surgery in 1998 I was told that because of my history of endometriosis the surgeon had to perform this open major surgery. Another scapegoat situation. I have never had endometriosis in my life before or have ever been diagnosed with it. It didn’t matter what I said I was stonewalled and back then just wanted to get my life back. No one guided or helped, they just left me hanging.

The implication I have been living with for the past 8 years has been also to try and identify that I had some pre-existing condition…but no, nothing, no heart attack enzymes, auto- immune deficiencies, muscular dystrophy, diabetes, my bloods and liver were 100%. Nicky and I knew this – this is why it has been such a devastating blow to be fit and healthy and then for someone to ruin your life. Twice…. But in trying to stay positive – the radium injection x-ray I had which highlighted all of the nerve damage that has been caused by these botched surgeries only made it even more crystal clear that the surgeons did the damage – my body has absolutely nothing wrong with it except for the damage they did to it. In which case, one would hope, the insurance company surely can’t deny that this is not my fault and it’s high time I was paid what was due. When you pay your insurance fees your whole working life to protect yourself from poverty, dependency and for every other reason you can think of, it really stings when you have no clout and see your life becoming pointless.

I have often felt re-victimised due to the treatment of the so-called treatment facilities that I have had to participate in. Anyway, as good as the news is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, it is equally as devastating as I should be living a normal healthy life, just like I was. I want my job back, I want to do my Masters – yet I still owe for my Criminology degree and get penalised again. It’s a double-edged sword – almost like if only I had some disease to be the answer for this happening to me – not just “a treatment injury” that is only worth so many dollars to someone who knows nothing about me….and worth absolutely zero to the surgeons who wouldn’t even remember my name.


31 thoughts on “The Double Edged Sword

  1. Pingback: The Double Edged Sword – Site Title

      • Well sad, but look at you go. Right now I am laying in a hospital bed unable to walk and non weight bearing on right foot from a ganglion cyst and a ruptured Achille tendon. This is excruciating and it looks like if I don’t want a permanent leg brace I cannot put any weight on that foot. I will get past this and walk away as you did.
        I have a lot of hiking left to do and where their is a will, there is a way. Sorry you had such bad experiences but I am swearing off Doctor’s and all their baggage. πŸ˜–πŸ‘πŸ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

      • Wow! The parallels in our lives are crazy!! So sorry to hear what you’re going through…yes, keep strong about whatever you face. Sometimes I think my mother’s stubbornness and determination, that I used to hate, are the things that have pulled me through my bad dream called life! I’m terrified of surgeries now so bye bye facelift πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸŒ»πŸ•Š


      • Kait, look in the mirror, you do not need a face lift. Your a beautiful woman inside and out. Do not succumb to vanity, you are far to smart for that. I believe your correct on the parallels though but I am actually glad about them because it is these little reminders that remind me, I am not alone.


  2. I am sorry about what you are going through. But also hats off to you for being such a brave soul. And as for the insurance agents, i hope they learn a lesson, it might be just business for them but for you it’s your entire life.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Did you ever try to sue for malpractice? It seems like you would have had a great case!

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. Incompetent people in all professions at all intelligence levels unfortunately. They can be smart but just not care that much about their job one day and bam… wreck your life… πŸ˜”

    My injury became 10x worse (herniated disc causing nerve pains) because I was seeing a physiotherapist treating my disc issue like a muscle issue for the first month. Encouraged me to go back to the gym over and over. X.x Long story but made me angry after I realised.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope it comes out good in the end. Insurance companies are a joke. My insurance, while military, is still an affordable care act program. Sometimes you can get treatment other times no.

    Liked by 3 people

    • It’s been years and years of ticking boxes,assessments and a crock of BS to be honest! Without my sister battling for me I would be nowhere. And she has her own fight with Lupus to deal with. The piss-me-off is that you pay your whole life for cover and then are denied. I don’t want to be here, It’s not a choice….I Just want my life back but that’s just not happening right now! Thank you for your empathy, I still wait with a very faint hope that ACC will step up! Here’s to 2018 and successes!!☺

      Liked by 1 person

    • I think then there would be zero insurance? People generally want to make money out of their businesses! Lol – but I hear what you’re saying. In NZ there is no health insurance for average joe. We have ACC and every person pays into it and when have accident/injury then they are “supposed” to take care of you. We pay out of our salaries, when we register a car or truck to be used on a road – we pay levies to ACC. The problem has been getting them to stop worrying about making billion dollar profits each year and actually do what they were intended for. The problem is not a new one…the government organisation has been privatised relatively recently and this caused some more problems. Nothing is perfect – and not everybody is honest – but we are all just human….There is nothing more frustrating though, than being sent to specialist after specialist – at ACC’s cost and request – realising they are just desperate to pin two crappy mistakes that have ruined your life, on your own genetics…that was infuriating! Especially as they had been blatantly declared by all of those specialists as not to be genetic, yet, go and see another one! 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You should be able to ,publish this experience in a newspaper or magazines so that others can be warned about agreeing to have such serious operations done by incompetent surgeons.

    Liked by 3 people

    • If only it was so easy! Unfortunately we are never notified of incompetent surgeons in the first place (they really shouldn’t be practising!) but of course new surgeons need to start somewhere after they have been working on cadavers πŸ™‚ I think I was terribly unlucky in both circumstances but the idea of trying to manipulate people about their injury etc is so damaging and is definitely not conducive to rehabilitation which is what they advertise. The process takes so very long that you are left believing that not only are you not important but nobody really knows what’s going on and you are just a number and if they can get out of paying you they will try to any way they can – including being told it is something that was pre-existing or from my genetics – it’s just such a debilitating exercise when you are already debilitated – and through their recommendation of surgeon and surgery….vomit! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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