Andy’s Addiction

Andy's addiction

Andy has a problem

he doesn’t know what to do

there’s a monkey glued to his back

and it’s really chewing through

his heart,

his bank account,

his tired soul.

Andy has a problem

he doesn’t know how to say

that he doesn’t want to be here

not for another single day

of hurt,

of frustration,

in an angered mind.

Andy knows this problem

he knows what he should do

but it wraps him up and chokes him

and he can’t see his way through

another single day

with no way

to feel.

Andy can’t reach out for help

that would just mean pain

How can he reach out for help

when his hand is trapped

by shame

and addiction

and fear.

Β© Kait King, 2015


27 thoughts on “Andy’s Addiction

  1. I believe many of us are, in one way or another, like this. While reading through it, it made me remember the song by Matthew West:
    Lie number one you’re supposed to have it all together
    And when they ask how you’re doing
    Just smile and tell them, “Never better”
    Lie number 2 everybody’s life is perfect except yours
    So keep your messes and your wounds
    And your secrets safe with you behind closed doors
    Truth be told
    The truth is rarely told, now
    I say I’m fine, yeah I’m fine oh I’m fine, hey I’m fine but I’m not
    I’m broken
    And when it’s out of control I say it’s under control but it’s not
    And you know it
    I don’t know why it’s so hard to admit it
    When being honest is the only way to fix it
    There’s no failure, no fall
    There’s no sin you don’t already know
    So let the truth be told


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  4. What do you want, the truth…. I can’t do that here, but I will say what I can,
    I have seen that monkey many times, and I have known what it feels like to pray for death.
    I know what it is like to think about suicide, and I know what it is like to make the decision of how I will do it.
    I wonder how many of the ones lost to suicide truly cared about anyone other than themselves.
    I say this because to leave a note beside a poisoned, or dismembered body, to be found by someone they “cared” about, speaks loudly to me.
    Now, “the monkey” that I came to know very well.
    I barely survived losing what I thought was “my life”. If not for two very good friends, and my best friend, I am unsure if I would be here.
    I saw “the monkey” first hand, and in Real Time. Through the years I realized there was two catagories of people that had “the monkey” on their back: Those that cared about others, and Those that cared only for themselves.
    Just so you know, I want to add a few things before I close. I chose a long time ago to “live” with every breath I am given.
    I have never used a needle in my whole life, nor has my best friend.
    I have never been scared of death or dying.
    I would take my last breath of air, while looking at all the beauty swimming around me, and all the hurt would finally be over.
    PS – He would be happy for me, because he would know the second that I left, or he would be with me.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thanks so much for sharing that! I’m glad to meet another fighter and winner….sadly Andy hasn’t won anything at this stage….But I, like you, cherish every breath and have no fear of moving on…I think when you have felt the greatest hurts, death is not one to fear….living can be. Because of what I believe in, I have no fear of death, she will visit when she brings the invitation πŸ˜‰ and of course, I will graciously accept…thanks again for sharing that – sending you comfort and peace. I think that sometimes the soul wants what the soul wants and will take any means of getting back home (suicide) – I understand people are not who you knew when they are ready to go. Sometimes it isn’t the human sides’ choice but the spirits’ and when it’s time, it’s time.

      Liked by 2 people

      • It’s strange that you of all people say something that I never expected(last paragraph).
        I have most everything except for what you said, and what 2 Brothers say:
        1 – A healthy mind would never do that
        2 – (Regarding drug use) If drugs(illicit) kept someone alive, how could it be a bad thing.
        I hope you have an email listed, it’s why I said that in the first place.
        KNOW THIS, I send all Good Things Your way ~ Always, and you are always in my prayers.

        Liked by 3 people

      • Thank you so very much, that is so kind of you πŸ™‚ And yes I do have an email listed under “Contact Me” please feel free to write in confidence. Know this is a safe place and non-judgemental. Thank you for reaching out – that’s not easy! Blessings to you and look forward to your email πŸ™‚

        Liked by 3 people

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