The question of why I exist…

/ Kait King

I guess the question of why would be relative to one’s beliefs, perception and world view. If the answer to the question is different due to this, then there are different results with each answer. Some might believe the why was: because they deserved it or God wanted it that way or human suffering is pay back or whatever other beliefs people have about the reasons why they want out. Do they exist to be beaten, maligned and controlled? Do they exist just to suffer? To be targets for predators of Child Abuse, rape and murder? We know all of the good things… Sometimes they get covered up in the bad. I think more than anything, people who want to die, ask themselves, the Universe and all gods “why am I here? For what purpose must I hurt beyond my control? Beyond what I can bear…”

But I’m still here, still bearing when I thought I needed to escape the unbearable. Was I a fool to hang around waiting to die or should I take the quick option and kill myself? Was that cheating? Not knowing is what keeps me waiting. Does that mean that those who do take their lives have absolute faith? Absolute knowledge? Or are they just in absolute Hell? Are they absolutely past caring? Perhaps there is no right or wrong answer…or maybe no answer at all. Perhaps we just exist to exist. We live we die – rinse and repeat…

24 thoughts on “The question of why I exist…”

  1. Alan Watts basically said once that if you look at things one way, the only reasonable thing to do is commit suicide. How is the game worth the candle, he asked. Then you hear over and over how life is what you make of it, you make meaning, you find your purpose, and I frankly found that all the more depressing. Like you, curiosity has kept me going or, in the worst case scenario: like, what if reincarnation is real and I come back as a dung beetle eating shit but like knowing I’m eating shit bc I killed myself. I haven’t been able to argue out of that one.

    I know for myself, I’ve been in hell and I know I’m the one who put myself there and that always makes it feel worse. The only thing that ever has generally made anything feel better is cracking really messed up jokes and writing.

    So. I guess for me the meaning of life is to not reincarnate as a sentient dung beetle, laugh as much as I can because everything and anything always becomes a good story, and see what happens next. I don’t know what’s coming outta my mouth half the time, let alone what’s around the bend.

    But I’m telling you – sentient dung beetle. Works every time. Love you Kait. 💙

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    • How lovely to hear from you x And yeah, I’m the same. Probably often inappropriate but my dark humor and my perspective on life gets me through! We just get older and wiser. Definitely a smart move on the dung beetle! 😂😍 Loved it, love you x take care x

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  4. Yss, this is so true ..we are living without knowing our purpose and destination. We r walking up when the sun shines and doing all those stuffs.However, we r always following the pattern & going with the flow.

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  5. Kait you are lovely. Stick around if only for this fond blogger!
    I get what you’re saying I think it’s a mix of all these factors when someone takes the unutterably tragic step to end their life. Fortunately I don’t really know and I’m not suicidal.
    H

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