I Thought It Was You

I thought it was you -Picture of Heart

Something

is missing

since we’ve

been apart

A part is missing

Something

has been lost

and I thought

it was you

Since you’ve been gone

I thought that piece

was you

A part of me

has been missing

I truly thought

it was you

But when I look at

it closely

it was a part of me

you took –

I was missing

not you

© Kait King, 2016

Does Anyone Ever

Does anyone ever

Does anyone else

ever feel

That this world

isn’t real?

That you know

you don’t belong

Perhaps the ‘Big Guy’

got it wrong

This is not

where you’re meant

to be

Running on the

hamster wheel –

trapped

and not free

Do you ever

think to yourself:

“I am the ostracized alien

I am the one

who doesn’t

fit in!”

And decide to make

a concerted effort

But remain

disappointed

So you retreat

and think,

“Fuck it”

© Kait King, 2016

Oh I Didn’t See You There…

Oh I didn't

It’s going to get dark again, even if the sun is shining I know what I’m in for. Staring into nowhere with a sense of hopelessness and despair that seems to have no end at the time. So you’re back, you’ve returned with your sticky, clingy sadness I must wear as a shawl. It’s a shawl made of all my wrong-doings, lost dreams, failed relationships, and a frightening anxiety about the future. It weighs a tonne and I struggle to sit up in bed with it on, or get out of bed, or brush my teeth or my hair…you weigh me down, Depression.

I didn’t know I was feeling so bad until I was in the kitchen making myself a coffee…I had been thinking negatively, granted. And the cold of winter doesn’t make it easy either so the future looks grim with the situation I’m in. This is the exact time the Shawl of Depression draped herself securely around me so I had to drag myself sadly and tearfully back to my bed. I see the sky, the sun, the birds, the beauty – the beauty in everything but me and my life. Then I tell myself off for being so ungrateful and get angry at the things that stop me being who I want to be. My anger covers the fear and anxiety. I would rather be angry than scared. It’s a long process to get to angry. It’s a long, unseen, unknown process that puts me there in the first place though.

I lie facing the wall. I don’t want to look at beautiful things. My eyes are open, I’m not moving though – my breathing hasn’t changed, it’s still, rhythmical and the tears just seem to fall out of my eyes endlessly. No noise, no change, nothing – just a waterfall coming out of my face that seems like it won’t let up. I don’t understand the grief or the sadness. Perhaps it is the broken me saying goodbye to the real me but refusing to let me go… In a little bit I will sit up and write about this. It’s crippling and yet I know I have to ride this out. I know I should take a good look at those feelings but I’m just too angry at the moment…

Kait King 2017

When I Sing

me-singing-at-howick-show

Howick 2013

When I sing

I feel this thing

all of my body cells

join

the vibration

When my voice

comes out

and I sing of things

I care about

I feel pure elation

When my body

can’t hep but

move

As I sway and sing

the groove

This here,

this is my perfect situation

© Kait King, 2016

Violent Love

Violent Lovve

Wild animal

– resonate in me

Violent Love

Tender Brutality

Snake, lion,

tiger or sheep

– Passionate,

almost Violent Love,

to: shy,

submissive,

meek
Only 50 shades of grey?

That is what I

want to say

– That Hollywood crap

you can keep…

© Kait King, 2017