Sometimes I wonder if you were
ever really here
Somehow I know what’s true
when you were always there
But as life returns back
to a more even keel
I can’t help this wonderment
this dreamlike existence I feel
You are gone yet you remain
and as the world lazily spins on the same
those 70’s and 80’s – a very different look
maybe just a new chapter in my new story book
As you are not really gone
I will sing your same old song
And I will die at my age and my son
will turn the next blank page
© Kait King, 2015
Kait King Poetry
After the Fact
He rolled her up in the carpet
He tied her up real tight
He threw her into the trunk of his car
And screeched out into the night
He knows he must not draw attention
He must slow down his breath and calm
He drove around for hours
With her body in the back of his car
Delusional or clear of mind
It really didn’t matter
He was clear enough to clean up the mess
And removed all her blood he splattered
He contemplated water
He thought about the dump
He thought about a mountain top
He could make it look like she jumped
As dawn approached, a screaming light
His stomach started to rumble
So he drove her through the drive thru
And didn’t miss a beat or fumble
A steady hand held out dollar bills
But his eyes he kept downcast
Not a thought spared for his wife in the trunk
The love that didn’t last
© Kait King, 2015
Are You OK?
No, I’m not OK
she said
And I didn’t know
what to do
But all she really needed
was someone to
talk to
Not everything is
fixable
or even wants to
be fixed, so
we learn to live with
special things
sometimes things we would
never show
some things are just too ugly
to let anybody know
© Kait King, 2016
“Let it go, Michael!”
Life looks pretty bleak
If you’re a resistant control freak
Nothing ever goes as it’s s’posed to
See it’s up to the Universe if it chose to
Nothing lasts forever
You’ll never be that clever
To beat the hand of Fate
Before you choose and it’s way too late
Nothing ever stays the same
You shouldn’t be afraid of change
If you dig your toes in and won’t budge
Or if you stay angry, hold a grudge
Life looks pretty bleak
If you’re a control freak
I would imagine intense anxiety
when you can’t make things as you want them to be
And an obsessive, over-busy mind
That’s never easy to unwind
So you find something else to get it fixed
But now – you look drugged…
Not happy, in those pics
© Kait King, 2016
University Sleep
It’s time for me to close my eyes
the sleep – she calls me in
tempting me with promises
of dreams from deep within
Happy to drown in fluid darkness
my lungs relaxed and full
spiralling soft, my body jumps
but still I feel the pull
And so I slumber deep and long
my dreams are all but lost
as I pull myself up from this sleep
to be chilled by morning’s frost
My bed, it lies like a crumpled body
it’s death, by noose, my sheets
I pull on my jeans, headphones on
and head into the streets
The bus stop frozen from icy glares
the wind a second best
We glide and jerk through glistening streets
I know I’m not a guest
My homework lies upon my lap
I want to turn around and go back home
Even my music has lost it’s colour
and bleeds into a drone
We fall out of the bus in an untidy crowd
the Subway reeks of cheese
I feel broken and somewhat heavy
Would they notice if I fell on my knees
My iPod turns into my lecturer
and continues in a monotonous tone
My brain has surpassed this walled in campus
I fall back into my cool dream zone
My liveliness is so inspired by friends of sweet love and sweet dreams
this shining light of laughing free
and left splitting at the seams
We say adiós and walk away
our paths cross again tomorrow
I find myself doubting myself
is this the path that I should follow?
I stand in the queue, the bus pulls up
we file in like a production line
stamped and paid and sit if you’re lucky
the sun’s shining and every thing’s fine
I walk briskly home, it’s getting dark
I walk in tune with a song
And wonder at ideologies like…
why can’t we all get along?
It’s warmer inside and my little friend
turns himself inside out to see me
I talk, I eat, I study hard just to go back
to be soft, warm and dreamy
© Kait King, 2015
If you want to
I have a notion
that your emotion
is not just a session
of dark depression
but a mark on your heart
like a bite from a shark
missing pieces never found
and this is why you’ve gone to ground
I can guess
you don’t see this as a test
but an evil calculation
to distract you from your destination
A calculated move
to jig you outta your groove
But the world is not against you
just try on the other shoe
it’s not that hard to do
and if you walk a decent mile
you might cry but you might smile
ain’t it worth it in the end
if you find you’re your best friend
So don’t knock yourself so hard
you’re not stupid or a retard
We are all given different gifts
And as we live our outlook shifts
from continental rifts
to continental drifts
we figure it’s not just about ourselves
that there are no Christmas elves
and that you need to really care
for everything
if you want to get along here
© Kait King, 2015
Why Restraining Orders are Useless…
Would it not be reasonable to think that an individual who ‘requires’ a restraining order, is the type of individual who would break a restraining order?
Kait King 2017
You’ll say to me
I’m uncomfortably present
awkwardly I’m here
Cleverly you’ve trapped me
by playing on my fear
I don’t want to say yes
but something in me is sparked
and if I don’t say yes
I won’t have a heart
you’ll say to me
***
You’ll say to me
I don’t really love you
that I’m not really into it
and my love is not true
And yet that twist inside me
coils like a snake
ready to make me feel bad
making me ready to hate
myself
© Kait King, 2015
But I’ve already paid!
With some leftover tea
I chuck some painkillers at me
A certain kind of guilt and
a definitive disgust wash over me
I fight every day
to keep a smile on my face
being strong, overcome
I have a new life to embrace
I know this is not what
I signed up for
I’ve paid the full price
for so much more
But I guess some you win
and some you lose
So I experience my life
in a different pair of shoes
But I’m still so sure
I was destined for so much more
so much more
I’ve already paid for
© Kait King, 2015
The gift is Home
Nothing says home like the food you know, the smells that trigger head movies and the comforting arms and hands that picked you up and helped you mix and stir and “help” cooking when you were a kid. They now welcome you back into the fold, embrace your grown-upness but still visualised as the child, as you will always be. Family time is noise in the kitchen, clattering dishes and chattering mouths – we women of many words create more warmth with our talking breath, better than the lukewarm sun does, trying to impress us through a shameless glass. The men, young and old – three generations of my blood, gather around the finger food that has been laid out to stop them from starving before the main meal…if you believe that, you will believe anything.
My father, the patriarch, his unwilling body fighting his sharp, determined mind – his sharp, determined mind that used to beat his body has put its hands up and retreated. His brain is stronger than anything else, bar maybe his heart. He peers over his heavily framed glasses all the better to see a watch face his grandson has handed him to look at. His 80 year old eyes squint and recognise, the information is swift and he says the battery is a blah blah…..his mind as sharp as a knife. His son-in-law hands him a glass of wine which he carefully holds, the glass is heavy and cumbersome to him, due to his muscular dystrophy. He already can’t lift the glass to his lips but our mother brings straws with them so that he doesn’t have to.
His grandson, Jay, is a loud kid and is learning to pull his head in, but does show signs of promise with his unresearched fury at certain injustices. Maybe the same way my father felt about all of those things 60 years or more ago. My father brought all of us up to question everything, accept nothing at face value and to take risk in a positive way. He had a strong sense of what was right and fair and he brought four crusaders into the world to carry on that legacy. Give a shit, the majority of the population won’t – so you just have to. It’s your duty as a human being with the gift of life on this earth…
Trust me
Meet me in the middle
and I’ll take you to the end
Tell me that you trust me
and I’ll let you be my friend
Promise me the world
and it’ll fall at your feet
Run the faster race
’cause it’s me you have to beat
Don’t believe in rumours
and they won’t control your life
Believe in what you want to be
and step into that light
© Kait King, 2015
The Takers and the Givers
I think there are two kinds of people in the world;
Those who will take everything
and those who would give anything
© Kait King, 2015
Doubtful
You know deep down
inside of you
What is wrong
and when it’s true
You do know that
you have a voice
You can escape if
you make the choice
You know even
if shit goes down
That you will handle it
without
support around
Sometimes you feel like
you’d be better off dead
But you have to
remove those thoughts
Stay positive
Keep your head
© Kait King, 2017
Now ThAt’S Crazy-

Ted Bundy
Our monsters don’t look
like monsters
There is no way to tell
If they’ll share a slice of Heaven
or bring the hate of Hell
They don’t all have dangerous killer looks
they are not all uneducated and despise books
Look at Ted, a prime example
of a learned man who was extremely harmful
Ted Bundy, yes
he was an educated man
but not smart enough
to avoid the hang man
Then there’s really insane
Like Mr Ed Gein
who danced in the moonlight with his mother’s skin on his face
© Kait King, 2015
Only One Thing Matters
Only one thing matters
Is it money?
Maybe time?
Getting old?
Or being mine?
Only one thing matters
Is it happiness?
Or absolute joy
at the birth of a baby or
getting your favorite toy?
Only one thing matters
Is it believing in
a greatness above?
Or perhaps forgiveness?
Maybe kindness?
Or the all encompassing
Love?
Only one thing matters
© Kait King, 2016
Beauty Boundless

Jay and George
Beauty Boundless
child of mine
with hopeful heart
and fascinated mind
Beauty Boundless
land of mine
filled with color
seen by the blind
Beauty Boundless
spirit of mine
where love will rest
till the end of time
© Kait King, 2015
If you really cared…
What’s the difference
when it’s all the same
we go down this road
and come back again
Forgiven you, I haven’t
when it’s caused me all this pain
and if you try to find me
I’ll fall back into you again
© Kait King, 2015