Chocolate for my Mind

Chocolate for mymind

Tripping

spilling

falling

dropping

words come tumbling out

Hedonistic

realistic

possibly artistic

like chocolate for my mind

are the words from my soul

replete

resplendent

and resonate

to make me feel whole

© Kait King, 2017

The Sea of You

sea_of_you

With a pepper spray surprise

you punch the air out of me

The wet fish in the face they talk about

was a coelacanth of ancient emotions

dug from days beyond myself

beyond my soul

beyond what I knew love to be

The fluke of flowers given me

rise like a tidal wave of pungent perfume

swamping me in dizzying, no –

spell-binding and trance-like memories

and the melodies

that remind me of you

© Kait King, 2015 – Excerpt from My See-Through Mind

My Uncensored Friendship With Words

Uncensored friendship by vector_spider_web_design_background_graphics_544178

It’s like

an unsticky web

how things

fall into my

head

Nothing ever

really gets

filtered out

Thoughts are

thrown at me

in a shout

Yeah, it is

pretty clear

something’s going

on here

Each inky

black thought

casting

immeasurable doubt

It even surprises

me

with the words

that I spout

Who wrote

those things?

Evil awful

creepings

Friends ask

Where on Earth

did you find

this out

Why would

you write such

horrid things

It gives pause

for thought

and doubt

© Kait King, 2016

Doubtful

doubtful

You know deep down

inside of you

What is wrong

and when it’s true

You do know that

you have a voice

You can escape if

you make the choice

You know even

if shit goes down

That you will handle it

without

support around

Sometimes you feel like

you’d be better off dead

But you have to

remove those thoughts

Stay positive

Keep your head

© Kait King, 2017

I Just Wanted

i-just-wanted

I just wanted

to be happy

As baffling as

that may seem

I just wanted to

spread Kindness

Remove the idea

of being mean

I just wanted

to have Peace

As impossible as

that seems

but it’s ok, they say,

to always have dreams

There is no need to

“stand your ground”

It isn’t yours, for a start

It will still be here

When we’re not around

It’s much better to leave

a piece of your Heart

© Kait King, 2016

Pre-Occupancy

Pre-Occupancy

So nobody’s home

Just cardboard cut-outs

posed in my brain

Memories I can’t let go

Pre-Occupancy

A way to survive

Somehow to numb

the pain

Somehow to stay

the child

Pre-Occupancy

Merely a distraction

Something to hide

any connection

Anything to avoid

taking action

Pre-Occupancy

© Kait King, 2017

Thought # 1

thought 1

If you’re very rarely or never told “No” or don’t have to wait or work for anything, will it be a harder struggle to get on in the World? (This is based on most normal and reasonable of situations – single or separate parenting included and of course, on a continuum).

In the “Real World” no one else treats you the same way as your parents do. No one else cares the same way for you as your parents do. No one else in the World will give you the same leeway. Will one lack a certain resilience because one can’t deal with a No, or don’t understand why it’s a No?

Your Ego takes a beating, hearing all those ‘yeses’ and how wonderful you are at everything and then a No would just take the wind right out of your sails, it’s a shock. Is it about that resilience? Even against adversity and with all the curve balls life throws you, wouldn’t it be better to be able to face that adversity? I am not talking about being a nagging No Hound about everything – but I do think we need to prepare our children for “out there”! Just tell them the truth, make them stand for something, let them know what their strengths and weaknesses are and let them embrace them all and use them to their best advantage in this crazy Life.

If it is about resilience then we must give our children that strength and fight. They need these things to be able to survive – and not just survive but to live well.

Kait King 2017

Oh I Didn’t See You There…

Oh I didn't

It’s going to get dark again, even if the sun is shining I know what I’m in for. Staring into nowhere with a sense of hopelessness and despair that seems to have no end at the time. So you’re back, you’ve returned with your sticky, clingy sadness I must wear as a shawl. It’s a shawl made of all my wrong-doings, lost dreams, failed relationships, and a frightening anxiety about the future. It weighs a tonne and I struggle to sit up in bed with it on, or get out of bed, or brush my teeth or my hair…you weigh me down, Depression.

I didn’t know I was feeling so bad until I was in the kitchen making myself a coffee…I had been thinking negatively, granted. And the cold of winter doesn’t make it easy either so the future looks grim with the situation I’m in. This is the exact time the Shawl of Depression draped herself securely around me so I had to drag myself sadly and tearfully back to my bed. I see the sky, the sun, the birds, the beauty – the beauty in everything but me and my life. Then I tell myself off for being so ungrateful and get angry at the things that stop me being who I want to be. My anger covers the fear and anxiety. I would rather be angry than scared. It’s a long process to get to angry. It’s a long, unseen, unknown process that puts me there in the first place though.

I lie facing the wall. I don’t want to look at beautiful things. My eyes are open, I’m not moving though – my breathing hasn’t changed, it’s still, rhythmical and the tears just seem to fall out of my eyes endlessly. No noise, no change, nothing – just a waterfall coming out of my face that seems like it won’t let up. I don’t understand the grief or the sadness. Perhaps it is the broken me saying goodbye to the real me but refusing to let me go… In a little bit I will sit up and write about this. It’s crippling and yet I know I have to ride this out. I know I should take a good look at those feelings but I’m just too angry at the moment…

Kait King 2017

Whoever you are

I just want you to know

that you are not alone

I know it sounds empty –

we can’t talk

I can’t hug you

I can’t invite you into my home

But I need you to know

that there is someone out there

someone who also feels the same

is sick of the same game

and shares the same fears

If I can make you understand

this is not what defines you

but the choices you make

from this day forward

even when you don’t know

what to do

© Kait King, 2015

Anyway, Any way

Anyway Any way

I so wish

I could have

been a better mum

But he still loves me

anyway

I see the photo

next to me

Colors blue and grey

you and I

Not much to spend

but time

and he still loves me

anyway

I feel I may have

failed you in

too many ways

to count

In spite of that

you are a beautiful

soul

and you still love me,

anyway

Kait King 16/7/2018