“I think legally, ‘Sole Custody’ should read ‘Soul Custody’, and we all know why…”
© Kait King, 2016
Books by Kait King
Chocolate for my Mind
Tripping
spilling
falling
dropping
words come tumbling out
Hedonistic
realistic
possibly artistic
like chocolate for my mind
are the words from my soul
replete
resplendent
and resonate
to make me feel whole
© Kait King, 2017
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Under Pressure
“Humans are like the weird sea creatures of the Earth,
Change the pressure and we can burst.”
Kait King 2017
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Oh I Didn’t See You There…
It’s going to get dark again, even if the sun is shining. I know what I’m in for. Staring into nowhere with a sense of hopelessness and despair that seems to have no end at the time. So you’re back, you’ve returned with your sticky, clingy sadness I must wear as a shawl. It’s a shawl made of all my wrong-doings, lost dreams, failed relationships, and a frightening anxiety about the future. It weighs a tonne, and I struggle to sit up in bed with it on, or get out of bed, or brush my teeth or my hair… you weigh me down, Depression.
I didn’t know I was feeling so bad until I was in the kitchen making myself a coffee… I had been thinking negatively, granted. And the cold of winter doesn’t make it easy either, so the future looks grim with the situation I’m in. This is the exact time the Shawl of Depression draped herself securely around me, so I had to drag myself sadly and tearfully back to my bed. I see the sky, the sun, the birds, the beauty – the beauty in everything but me and my life. Then I tell myself off for being so ungrateful and get angry at the things that stop me from being who I want to be. My anger covers the fear and anxiety. I would rather be angry than scared. It’s a long process to get to angry. It’s a long, unseen, unknown process that puts me there in the first place, though.
I lie facing the wall. I don’t want to look at beautiful things. My eyes are open, I’m not moving though – my breathing hasn’t changed, it’s still rhythmical, and the tears just seem to fall out of my eyes endlessly. No noise, no change, nothing – just a waterfall coming out of my face that seems like it won’t let up. I don’t understand the grief or the sadness. Perhaps it is the broken me saying goodbye to the real me but refusing to let me go… In a little bit, I will sit up and write about this. It’s crippling and yet I know I have to ride this out. I know I should take a good look at those feelings, but I’m just too angry at the moment…
Kait King 2017
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Pre-Occupancy
Pre-Occupancy
So nobody’s home
Just cardboard cut-outs
posed in my brain
Memories I can’t let go
Pre-Occupancy
A way to survive
Somehow to numb
the pain
Somehow to stay
the child
Pre-Occupancy
Merely a distraction
Something to hide
any connection
Anything to avoid
taking action
Pre-Occupancy
© Kait King, 2017
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Avoidance = Safe
I’ve been loved
by someone
When I wanted
to be free
And I’ve loved someone
desperately
When clearly
they didn’t
love me
I couldn’t find
a balance
I felt all men
would just hurt me
I made a choice
very purposefully
And I withdrew
from family, friends, and society
Alone
I finally could see clearly
the common denominator
in my failed relationships
was me
© Kait King, 2016
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Anyway, Any way
I so wish
I could have
been a better mum
But he still loves me
anyway
I see the photo
next to me
Colors blue and grey
you and I
Not much to spend
but time
and he still loves me
anyway
I feel I may have
failed you in
too many ways
to count
In spite of that
you are a beautiful
soul
and you still love me,
anyway
Kait King 16/7/2018
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My Uncensored Friendship With Words
It’s like
an unsticky web
how things
fall into my
head
Nothing ever
really gets
filtered out
Thoughts are
thrown at me
in a shout
Yeah, it is
pretty clear
something’s going
on here
Each inky
black thought
casting
immeasurable doubt
It even surprises
me
with the words
that I spout
Who wrote
those things?
Evil awful
creepings
Friends ask
Where on Earth
did you find
this out?
Why would
you write such
horrid things?
It gives pause
for thought
and doubt
© Kait King, 2016
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Violent Love
Wild animal
– resonate in me
Violent Love
Tender Brutality
Snake, lion,
tiger or sheep
– Passionate,
almost Violent Love,
to: shy,
submissive,
meek
Only 50 shades of grey?
That is what I
want to say
– That Hollywood crap
you can keep…
© Kait King, 2017
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the drugs
I cannot keep
my eyes open
the drugs,
they make me sleep
I cannot do what
I really want to
the drugs,
they make me weak
I cannot say
what I want to say
the drugs,
they tie my tongue
I cannot think
in all clarity
the drugs,
they make me wrong
© Kait King, 2015
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I Just Wanted
I just wanted
to be happy
As baffling as
that may seem
I just wanted to
spread Kindness
Remove the idea
of being mean
I just wanted
to have Peace
As impossible as
that seems
but it’s ok, they say,
to always have dreams
There is no need to
“stand your ground”
It isn’t yours, for a start
It will still be here
When we’re not around
It’s much better to leave
a piece of your Heart
© Kait King, 2016
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Sprinkles
“You don’t need ice-cream to make an awesome Sunday…”
© Kait King, 2016
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Doubtful
You know deep down
inside of you
What is wrong
and when it’s true
You do know that
you have a voice
You can escape if
you make the choice
You know even
if shit goes down
That you will handle it
without
support around
Sometimes you feel like
you’d be better off dead
But you have to
remove those thoughts
Stay positive,
Keep your head
© Kait King, 2017
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Crystal Meth-I-Didn’t-Mean (Methamphetamine)
Crystal Meth
An addicts’ breath
Inhales a
smoky dream
In reality
You’re never free
Just a brains’
endless scream
Crystal Meth
Talk in depth
Required by any means
Close to death
That last crystal breath
It’s not as great as it seems
Crystal Meth
Families bereft
Bury a loved one, crying
Cold caress
This Crystal Meth
And our children
keep on dying
© Kait King, 2016
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For Anyone’s Peace of Mind
To a Child
Every time you leave, or I am leaving you, or stepping onto a plane or into a car, – basically every time we part, I wish the last words you hear from me to be: “I love you”. Because maybe one day they will be the last words you will hear from me and I want you to know how well you were loved, by me.
From a Mother
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Where again?
Where on Earth
can ou be?
If you’re not here on Earth
with me?
© Kait King, 2016
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I Thought It Was You
Something
is missing
since we’ve
been apart
A part is missing
Something
has been lost
and I thought
it was you
Since you’ve been gone
I thought that piece
was you
A part of me
has been missing
I truly thought
it was you
But when I look at
it closely
it was a part of me
you took –
I was missing
not you
© Kait King, 2016
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Just Don’t
Don’t abandon your family
Don’t abandon your children
Don’t abandon your pets
Don’t abandon your responsibilities
Most of all, don’t abandon yourself…
© Kait King, 2017
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Does Anyone Ever
Does anyone else
ever feel
That this world
isn’t real?
That you know
you don’t belong
Perhaps the ‘Big Guy’
got it wrong
This is not
where you’re meant
to be
Running on the
hamster wheel –
trapped
and not free
Do you ever
think to yourself:
“I am the ostracized alien
I am the one
who doesn’t
fit in!”
And decide to make
a concerted effort
But remain
disappointed
So you retreat
and think,
“Fuck it”
© Kait King, 2016
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The Sea of You
With a pepper spray surprise
you punch the air out of me
The wet fish in the face they talk about
was a coelacanth of ancient emotions
dug from days beyond myself
beyond my soul
beyond what I knew love to be
The fluke of flowers given me
rise like a tidal wave of pungent perfume
swamping me in dizzying, no –
spell-binding and trance-like memories
and the melodies
that remind
me of you
© Kait King, 2015 – Excerpt from My See-Through Mind
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Sweet Angel
You just don’t look
the same
Your skin so
pearlescent white
Your energy has
left us now
You’ve gone
towards the light
Your hand and cheek
cools quickly
A deathly stillness
about you, sets
If only you could
calm your family
And tell them not
to fret
You will be close
while they need you
They may even
know
But there will come a time
Sweet Angel,
when you really
have to go
© Kait King, 2016
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2. Don’t Ever Assume That….
2. Just because you write, your long sentences are effective…
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1. Don’t Ever Assume That….
1. Just because he remembers that you like the mint centered chocolates from a box of Roses because of the tantrum you threw when he attempted to eat one the first time but not the only time since you ate chocolates together 7 months ago, doesn’t make him a mind reader…
Pass it forward:
Thought # 1
If you’re very rarely or never told “No” or don’t have to wait or work for anything, will it be a harder struggle to get on in the World? (This is based on most normal and reasonable of situations – single or separate parenting included and of course, on a continuum).
In the “Real World” no one else treats you the same way as your parents do. No one else cares the same way for you as your parents do. No one else in the World will give you the same leeway. Will one lack a certain resilience because one can’t deal with a No, or don’t understand why it’s a No?
Your Ego takes a beating, hearing all those ‘yeses’ and how wonderful you are at everything and then a No would just take the wind right out of your sails, it’s a shock. Is it about that resilience? Even against adversity and with all the curve balls life throws you, wouldn’t it be better to be able to face that adversity? I am not talking about being a nagging No Hound about everything – but I do think we need to prepare our children for “out there”! Just tell them the truth, make them stand for something, let them know what their strengths and weaknesses are and let them embrace them all and use them to their best advantage in this crazy Life.
If it is about resilience then we must give our children that strength and fight. They need these things to be able to survive – and not just survive but to live well.
Kait King 2017
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Whoever you are
I just want you to know
that you are not alone
I know it sounds empty –
we can’t talk
I can’t hug you
I can’t invite you into my home
But I need you to know
that there is someone out there
someone who also feels the same
is sick of the same game
and shares the same fears
If I can make you understand
this is not what defines you
but the choices you make
from this day forward
even when you don’t know
what to do
© Kait King, 2015
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Conversation 3 with a Gemini
“I’m so bored
but I’ve got so much
to do!”
“So what have you done then?”
“Nothing…
And you?”
© Kait King, 2017
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Gasping for Air
Love flutters
like a drowning butterfly,
swallowed up
whole –
Struggling to keep my
head above the
ripples of your heart
Yet still wanting to be
hopelessly – no,
recklessly
flung into those depths
drowning…
drowning…
Kait King
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That’s What I’m After
It’s your eyes
It’s your mouth
It’s your smile
your heart
your laughter
But it’s my heart
my fear
It’s my love
my hope
That’s what I’m after
Kait King 2017
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Thank Dog for Star Signs
“I have to find the darker side of myself when I write as the killer – I think it’s the Gemini in me….”
© Kait King, 2015
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Timing is EvErYtHiNg
Hindsight is a fabulous thing
It’s just that its timing is all wrong
© Kait King, 2016
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She is nothing like me
Gingerly I type the words, wondering if I may be the only person who thinks like this. god’s daughter is turning out to be more appalling than horrific, more repulsive than disgusting. I can feel her like black tar in my mind. She calls me to write her out – to layer her like a black wedding cake, all the details – the spiders, the webs, the cockroaches, the mould and dusty aura of her mind. The corners of her life are all in shadow, a shadow I have to be brave enough to step into and feel the darkness that is god’s daughter. She wants to be created but she doesn’t want me – I am nothing to her, just like everyone else.
And she is nothing like me…
Pass it forward:
Blink of an Eye
Domestic violence
that Evil Beast
Thriving on hurt
when all you want
is Peace
Insecure person
always comparing in loss
Punching out your feeble Anger
But your Family pays the cost
Vulnerable? Were you
beaten yourself?
Shouldn’t you know better
than to put them through
this Hell?
Poor little person…
Is that what you want
them to think?
So here you stand at
a Crossroad
You can change all of this
in a Blink
Kait King 2017
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Doing Time for Serious Crime
You are not Bad
waiting to be
Evil,
but Evil
waiting to be
Free
You have made
a deal with
the Devil
and it consumes
your Spirit,
completely
You haven’t striven
to be
Better
It has never even
crossed
your Mind
I just Hope
they catch You
real quick
And you spend
your Life
doing Time
© Kait King, 2017
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Why Restraining Orders are Useless…
Would it not be reasonable to think that an individual who ‘requires’ a restraining order, is the type of individual who would break a restraining order?
Kait King 2017
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When I Sing
Howick 2013
When I sing
I feel this thing
all of my body cells
join
the vibration
When my voice
comes out
and I sing of things
I care about
I feel pure elation
When my body
can’t hep but
move
As I sway and sing
the groove
This here,
this is my perfect situation
© Kait King, 2016
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Monetize Me or Dehumanize Me?
Seismic airguns are used to find oil and gas deep underneath the ocean floor. Airguns are so loud that they disturb, injure or kill marine life, harm commercial fisheries, and disrupt coastal economies. These blasts are repeated every ten seconds, 24 hours a day, for days and weeks at a time.
Crazy isn’t it – that money is the most important thing to have…
It’s not even just necessary to live anymore, but needed in excess of a gluttonous, consumable rate. Also, sadly at the expense of every other earthling – plant, mammal, marine, insect life. Ultimately at the expense of our Mother Earth – without whom we wouldn’t exist….But sure, let’s go ahead and blast the oceans, rape and pillage land and sea. Mankind is adventurous and a conqueror! Of what? Ourselves? War seems to already qualify that bizarre question!
Discovery and experimentation for the benefit of survival of all living things is most definitely a necessity, don’t get me wrong. But destroying our only home for the benefit of gaining money is a totally different story. Forward thinking has become about bank accounts when it needs to be about human accountability. Animals adapt to their surroundings, blend in – whereas people force the surroundings to adapt to what they require, causing droughts, floods, contamination.
Humans are the most alien thing to this planet – perhaps we are the ones who don’t belong here…
Kait King 2017
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In The Grip Of god’s daughter
Twisted
I’m finding it hard at times, to write god’s daughter. I have to go to such a dark place and think such dark thoughts that it can be exhausting…and actually put me off writing this story. I don’t know where she has come from, but she won’t leave me alone until I’ve told her story.
Isn’t it a strange way to look at one’s own internal thoughts? I mean, she’s just a made up character, right?! But I feel like I’ve had zero control over where this is going. She is what she is and I’m writing about it. Is she a part of me? Is she always going to be a part of me or will she let me go when I’ve written her out? The longer I delay writing god’s daughter, the longer she will be stalking around in my head. Could she end up taking over? A blemish on the intriguing landscape of my brain. I’m wasting time…I must write…
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WoW! The 3 Little Piggies is getting noticed!
Stamina
My beautiful sister takes me swimming four days a week and last week I was called a machine in the water 🙂 This delighted me as I walk with a stick and struggle on land. I realized that all relationships take stamina – my relationship with my less than able body and even my relationship with water and swimming… just keep going…
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FREE For Just One Day!! The 3 Little Piggies on Amazon
GRAB ONE NOW!
![The 3 Little Piggies by [King, Kait]](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/511BXV7c0nL.jpg)
The 3 Little Piggies will be FREE for a limited time – 1 day actually, from September 22nd to September 23rd! Get your copy and be disturbed! Follow the path of a serial killer wrapped in a psychopath. Raw, vital and unputdownable!
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