If You Enjoy My Words…

This is a DONATION

Someone suggested that I could get paid to write and that I should set up a donations page. So here goes! It feels a little awkward but this is what I would like to do full-time, write. I can’t pay my bills unless I earn my way so this will be my leap of faith. Thank you for letting me believe I have wings!

NZ$1.00

Lyrics to Does me good in my Soul

Do me good in my soul

CH: I know what I have

and I know what I want

What I can’t figure out

is what it is that I don’t

Verse 1: I don’t have to take

their crap

and all that yakkity-yak

that does me no good

in my Soul

Verse 2: I’ve walked down

that track

And I have always

looked back

but that does me no good

in my Soul

Verse 3: ‘Cause I’ve cried

nearly every day

And that’s not just something

I’d say

’cause it does me no good

in my Soul

Verse 4: But then I look

at you

And I know Love

so true

and that does the World of Good

in my Soul

© Kait King, 2016

Is it

Is it

So do you think it may annoy you

should I love you too much

That time would trap you in a heartbeat

If I won’t give you up

Is it crazy to think

that you will only touch my skin

stroke my hair

and let me in

Will it be overwhelming if I say

I love you every day

leave notes in your lunchbox

and always want you to stay

the night

the week

forever

Is it rude of me to want all of you

not a share, a percentage or a piece

but the everything and nothingness

of you

the very most and the very least

© Kait King, 2015

Attempt #1 – Method and Madness (Firstly the madness that led me there)

When I got away from the place where I had been raped, I walked home.  I had my horse with me but I couldn’t ride him.  I just stumbled my way home through snot and tears.  My horse kept nudging me as he had never seen me like this.  I can’t explain fully what was going on inside.  I think I was shocked, in disbelief.  And surprised.  I was so surprised at how casual and normal the man who had just raped me, had been.  He apologized for ripping my clothes as he handed the remnants to me and asked me if I wanted a drink of water….I mean, an absolute fucking gentleman.  Anyway – sorry, that bit of sarcasm was unavoidable – I left with my head down and a confused shame, embarrassment and doubt came over me.  I doubted what had happened.  I doubted what I believed.  I doubted my actions and questioned whether I had offered myself for this man to take.  But that was not true, I know this now that I’m older, stronger, wiser and not confused by my naivete anymore. At the time I had no compass,  nothing like this had ever been in my world. Now I wasn’t safe anymore,  that’s how I felt. My parents couldn’t do anything to change what had happened, neither could I, or any god or universal plane… I know it changed me forever.

I always wondered if I would’ve been a different person if I hadn’t been raped. How different my worldview may have been, my relationships with the men in my life. Those things ate me up at that confused time,  but what killed my soul was that someone had taken something from me that I didn’t give.  I played the situation over and over in my mind.  It broke me. And then there were my loving parents whom I couldn’t look in the eye anymore. I felt dirty, guilty and ashamed. Those feelings began to become so intense and overwhelming they consumed me. And in a very short space of time,  merely days.It seemed that everything and everyone else was rushing by and busy with life and I just seemed to keep repetitively falling and falling. Scrabbling at nothing on the sides and feeling totally worthless.

Cataclysmically Incorrect

Cataclysmically incorrectjpg

If I win

I will have won this

fair and square

If I lose

I will have lost this

and won’t have to care

about you

or your new girlfriend

If I’m wrong

I will be cataclysmically incorrect

I will owe on every bet

and beg you to forget her

and her endless bank account

legs and youth

If you could just be brave

and tell the truth

But I see you squirming

awkward in your plush car seat

I can see the worm –

it’s turning

Now it’s with me

you cheat…

© Kait King, 2015

I Dance Emotions

dance with emotions

I breathe feelings

I dance emotions

and coddle dreams

I rap time

if it’s mine

and wander the roads

of forever

I trickle into hearts

sometimes I’m poured

sometimes it’s voracious

sometimes

bored

The mystical flow

of the words that glow

in the firelight

faces wait

breath held in

anticipation

waiting on

the words of love

so soft

so real

so true

I feel them

Can you feel them too?

© Kait King, 2015

I buried you, I hope you don’t mind

I buried you

What do you mean?

You don’t get it?

I’ve talked the hind leg

off a donkey

telling you why it is

what it is

and no

I don’t regret it

How can you say that?

How would you know?

I get pissed that I’m not good enough

I won’t put my assets on show

I watch you watching yourself

under the radar

so low

Hiding who you really are

and now I wish I didn’t know

When did you do that?

Is it like, someone I know?

There is no name, no face

No one to show

And I need a body to bury

So I can let you go

© Kait King, 2015

Loss/values

People experience loss in very different ways. People experience what they value differently too. Depending on what you are taught to value, is how you will experience that loss. If, when growing up, you are taught the difference between giving, taking and sharing we form a basis for understanding value. If you are taught to value money and possessions, that these things make you the person you are, things define you. What if you go bankrupt and lose everything – will you commit suicide? Money and success has represented you and your life.

But if money was not the valued commodity and family was – if you lost everything materialistic, wouldn’t your family or friends have the most important value to you, not your image of success? Family and friends are there when nothing and nobody else is…

How do you define yourself? What is really important to you? How do you represent yourself in the world?

Just food for thought….

When it’s time – it’s time

When it's time it's time

I’m not looking for somebody else

I just want to see you

I completed your lie detector test

and everything I say is true

There is no rhyme or reason

to why we feel this way

but this won’t be successful

with all the games you play

I really want to believe you

but I think I’ve been a fool

I just want to keep silent –

with you

I’ll lose my cool

So I cry quietly

in my pillow in the night

Knowing things are ending

Knowing things aren’t right

Knowing that no matter what

you don’t love me the same

I’ll be the one at night

alone, I’ll cry your name

© Kait King, 2015