Having the Freedom to

i-dont-want-to

I don’t want to just

be friends any more

If you’re not going to try

I can show you the door

I’m not very good at

laying the blame

I don’t want to play

that dangerous game

I just about burst

when all I want to say

when I look into your blue eyes

is “I love you” every day

I just want us both to

be allowed to be free

for me to be in love with you

and you crazy in love with me

Kait King 2017

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I need one of those dogs

i need one of those dogs

Listening quietly in

the dawn of the day

My mind playing games

that my heart won’t play

Watching us still

in the dark of my mind

waiting for someone I can’t seem to find

Holding this close

Not wanting to lose

Making the choice

and then having to choose

As the falling rain

dampens my heart

I can’t seem to see

Was I blind from the start?

© Kait King, 2015

Lyrics to Something and Nothing

something and nothing

There’s nothing like a tall glass of water

Nothing like a clear day

Nothing like your lovemaking

Like the dream I have when I always get my way

Something like the way you love me

Something like a summer day

Something like the way I crave you

Something always seems to get in the way

Ch: You do – something crazy to my heart and to my mind x 3

Verse 2

Nothing like the way you hold me when

It’s a cold rainy night

It’s nothing like the way you scare me

I wanna run – don’t wanna fight

It’s nothing like the way you tell me

That you love me when you want me

And I want you too

It’s nothing like the way you tell me

That you need me when you want me

And I just wanna be with you

Ch: You do – something crazy to my heart and to my mind x 3

Verse 3

It’s nothing like the way you find me

When I need you so bad

Something like the way you see me

Put a smile on my face

When I’m feelin’ sad

Nothing like the way I know you

When you don’t want me to see you, but I can see right through

Something like when we’re together

Something that feels so very true

Ch: Cos you do – something crazy to my heart and to my mind x 3

© Kait King, 2015

Does Anyone Ever

Does anyone ever

Does anyone else

ever feel

That this world

isn’t real?

That you know

you don’t belong

Perhaps the ‘Big Guy’

got it wrong

This is not

where you’re meant

to be

Running on the

hamster wheel –

trapped

and not free

Do you ever

think to yourself:

“I am the ostracized alien

I am the one

who doesn’t

fit in!”

And decide to make

a concerted effort

But remain

disappointed

So you retreat

and think,

“Fuck it”

© Kait King, 2016

When you let me in

beautiful-immortal-vampires-eternal-lovers

When we are

touching skin

when you have

let me in

With a dream-like

essence

I feel your

presence

the heat from

your skin

when you let me in

I know there

are no lies

I can see it

in your blue eyes

I can feel it

from your mouth

I can hear it in

your blazing skin

when you let me in

the goose bumps on

your flesh

and our kiss

can only express

we are so lost

it must be a sin

but only when

you let me in

© Kait King, 2015

The gift is Home

our family

Nothing says home like the food you know, the smells that trigger head movies and the comforting arms and hands that picked you up and helped you mix and stir and “help” cooking when you were a kid. They now welcome you back into the fold, embrace your grown-upness but still visualised as the child, as you will always be. Family time is noise in the kitchen, clattering dishes and chattering mouths – we women of many words create more warmth with our talking breath, better than the lukewarm sun does, trying to impress us through a shameless glass. The men, young and old – three generations of my blood, gather around the finger food that has been laid out to stop them from starving before the main meal…if you believe that, you will believe anything.

My father, the patriarch, his unwilling body fighting his sharp, determined mind – his sharp, determined mind that used to beat his body has put its hands up and retreated. His brain is stronger than anything else, bar maybe his heart. He peers over his heavily framed glasses all the better to see a watch face his grandson has handed him to look at. His 80 year old eyes squint and recognise, the information is swift and he says the battery is a blah blah…..his mind as sharp as a knife. His son-in-law hands him a glass of wine which he carefully holds, the glass is heavy and cumbersome to him, due to his muscular dystrophy. He already can’t lift the glass to his lips but our mother brings straws with them so that he doesn’t have to.

His grandson, Jay, is a loud kid and is learning to pull his head in, but does show signs of promise with his unresearched fury at certain injustices. Maybe the same way my father felt about all of those things 60 years or more ago. My father brought all of us up to question everything, accept nothing at face value and to take risk in a positive way. He had a strong sense of what was right and fair and he brought four crusaders into the world to carry on that legacy. Give a shit, the majority of the population won’t – so you just have to. It’s your duty as a human being with the gift of life on this earth…

No matter what

no matter what

No matter what you’re gonna say

I’ve gotta try and stay away

to keep my heart

my heart

You scream into my brain

like an uncontrolled speed train

I’ll go insane

I don’t even know my own name

No matter what I try and dream

you make me feel I am unseen

and it just stays the same

in the common denominator game

So we’re wasting all this time

ignoring all the signs

we sit in freeze frame

it just stays the same

I’m the common denominator

in the common denominator game

© Kait King, 2015

A Seeker

A seeker

I don’t want to be here

I don’t want to be here alone

I don’t want to be here alone in my empty zone

I want to love

I want to love again

I want to love again and be free of all this pain

I can’t do it

I can’t just let it go

I can’t just let it go and pretend I didn’t know

My soul aches

My soul and my heart ache badly

They ache for man’s cruel inhumanity

I’m a seeker

I’m a seeker of love, peace and harmony

I’m a seeker – please tell me you’ll follow me

© Kait King, 2015

The tumble of Schnauzers mentioned previously in “Be careful what you wish for”, as per request :)

This is Eddie – she is such a smart cookie – look at that wise little face – a fur baby wrapped in cuteness!

Eddie wrapped in a towel

This is Patsy and Eds – when they were littlee’s – Patsy on the right and Eds left (obviously!) :/

Patsy n Eddie babies

P and E couching

This is Eddie sleeping on Patsy ….well, contemplating life, anyway….:)

A present for a poo – for doggie lovers

It doesn’t matter what you do

chew up my panties

leave a present that’s a poo

bury personal items

dig a deeper hole

drag cow dung inside

pee on the stripper pole

rip up the newspaper

before it’s even read

take up most of the room

in my double bed

chew a cavern in the chair

bark at things that are not there

but I’d like to make it very clear –

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you

even though I’m only worth a poo

I really, really do love you 🙂

(Just to make things clear, I’m talking about a dog, not my man!)

© Kait King, 2015

When it’s time – it’s time

When it's time it's time

I’m not looking for somebody else

I just want to see you

I completed your lie detector test

and everything I say is true

There is no rhyme or reason

to why we feel this way

but this won’t be successful

with all the games you play

I really want to believe you

but I think I’ve been a fool

I just want to keep silent –

with you

I’ll lose my cool

So I cry quietly

in my pillow in the night

Knowing things are ending

Knowing things aren’t right

Knowing that no matter what

you don’t love me the same

I’ll be the one at night

alone, I’ll cry your name

© Kait King, 2015

Crazy Horse

Crazy horse

A young man stood in front of me. Slightly overweight with a bad crew cut. His left arm was heavily bandaged. He held it out to me like an offering – a kind gesture.

“What happened to you?” I asked. He dipped his head shyly and poked a toe at the grubby, coffee-stained carpet.

“It’s a long story.” He mumbled, “I was in love with a girl. I loved her for a really long time.”

His eyes flashed up briefly to catch mine. Glancing up to the right and back to the floor he continued.

“We always walked to school together – I was, I guess, obsessed with her.” I could see another flicker in his eyes, but of hesitation or clutching at a memory. “I bought her flowers and chocolates, wrote her cards and love letters. For a long time…” he trailed off.

“How long?”

“I dunno…” He scrunched his face up as if he was in pain, then breathed out, “Six years, three months, one week and four days.” And obviously still counting, alarmingly!

“That’s a long time to love someone.” I said.

It’s a long time to love someone if they don’t love you back.” He said, looking directly at me – scrutinizing my reaction.

“So why did you keep writing and giving to her?”

I thought she would love me if I could show her how much I loved her. I thought I could have her. She would be mine – but she left. She came up here, to the big smoke. She got a job, and apartment, new friends – a whole life of her own. What she didn’t realise was that she was my life. So I came to live here too. Then I followed her from her work one day. Just pretended I was in the area and had bumped into her, random like. That was not a very good thing to do – she got really mad and told me to leave…to leave her alone.” He stopped, rubbed his good arm across his eyes and sighed.

“That’s when I got this really cool idea!” His face lit up with his remembered ingenuity. “See, I read in a book somewhere that Van Gough had cut his ear off and sent it to the love of his life. So I thought to myself that I would prove how much I loved her – I would send her my arm. That’s bigger than an ear – it must mean more! So the next day I go to work and do my job. When I thought everyone had gone home, I turned my skill-saw back on and tried to cut my arm off.” He swallows a gulp of air and grins at me crazily.

“Geez, didn’t that hurt?” I ask.

“That’s why I stopped!” he laughs. “I pushed my arm onto the saw and it sliced quickly -which was my intention. Blood pissed everywhere – it quickly got through the bones before I had a chance to pull back and well….it was just kind of hanging off and that’s when I thought to myself; Shit, what the hell am I doing – this hurts! What a mess too. I would’ve died too , I suppose, if the other guy hadn’t heard me screaming before I passed out.”

© Kait King, 2015