It’s funny
how I think
of you
So randomly –
So out of
The blue
It’s crazy
After all this time
It’s been decades
Since
you were mine
© Kait King, 2016
Author: Kait King
Sword of Damacles
When you’re hanging by a thread
and the voices in your head
say “just let go”
When you feel torn and down
you try to take a look around
but find
you’re blind
And the time is running out
and you know what it’s about
you can feel that hanging rope
that blade against your throat
and you lean on in….
© Kait King, 2015
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The Sink Hole
I will not be labeled
As damaged or disabled
I won’t let myself think
I’ll just go down like
Water gurgling in a sink
I try to envision my life
With more purpose
Than “useless”
Sometimes this is
An exercise
Quite fruitless
I won’t slide down
That gurgling sink
And I know that’s what
A lot of people
Think
But I’ve proved them
Wrong before
Not just once
But even more
I won’t quietly go down
That gurgling sink
I have more words
To say
More words
I must ink
I’m not here
To kick up a stink
I just want to make
More people think
Before I go down
That gurgling sink
Kait King 12th July 2019
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A Survivor
I’m calling myself A Survivor – this will enable me to be as honest as possible about my experience with suicide and I guess rape too, as this was the reason why I felt so ashamed and unworthy to be alive and walking around on this earth.
This isn’t going to be easy or pretty, but I will tell my story as best as I can. If I can prevent or deter someone from actually completing a suicide, then I can die a happy person – but not via suicide! 🙂
Welcome all, and I hope we can have some really meaningful and open discussions about suicide and all of the strings attached. Sometimes, it just helps to talk, and I am here for exactly that.
Peace, love, and light peeps – don’t beat yourself up, don’t let yourself down – just take a breath and believe in yourself.
A Survivor
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Spinning in a void
Spinning
in a void –
like this
Wanting to
stay still
for a while –
Knowing nothing
lasts
forever
but wanting
to last
a lifetime
with you
© Kait King, 2015
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Urban Dismay
The city streets
look oh so sleek
but only when
it rains
Below the glitterati
Porsche
Benz
Maserati
In the parking basement
remain
Below even that
expensive, unreal mat
broken people
who never
have gain
No cash in the casino
No boat in the marina
And no money
to hide
their pain
© Kait King, 2016
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Having the Freedom to
I don’t want to just
be friends any more
If you’re not going to try
I can show you the door
I’m not very good at
laying the blame
I don’t want to play
that dangerous game
I just about burst
when all I want to say
when I look into your blue eyes
is “I love you” every day
I just want us both to
be allowed to be free
for me to be in love with you
and you
crazy in love with me
Kait King 2017
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Rage
Her internal organs
were completely shoved
out of place
You couldn’t tell
where her eyes were
on her once
normal face
Her mouth,
no teeth…
although alive,
she had only 2
Her fingernails
held DNA
Her bruises spoke
in black
and blue
There was no weapon,
no club
no knife
Just pure
Red Rage
Rage enough
to steal
a life
Her family
yes, she has one,
Will have to hear
the tragic
news
of how,
in her relationship,
she was violently
abused
The children
saw
their father
as she was
twisted
punched and
burnt
It’s said she
stayed for
the children
Now, a lesson
sadly learned
And putting to
“Rest” their
Mother’s bones
So they look ahead
“Stay positive”
“You’re not alone”
“At least you have
a roof over
your head”
and face life
in a
foster home
While wishing
they were
dead…
Kait King 2020
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Delete me…
Delete me
inconsequentially
without regard
Press me
into the shape
of your PC
and remove me
How easy
would it be
to delete me
In reality?
Kait King 2024
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Suicide – sometimes it’s not a choice, it’s the only option
I was reminded to clarify this, by a comment and I thank you; this is how it feels to the person who is so broken they can’t see any future or hope. Of course there are so many more options than suicide, but to the suicide victim there is not.
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The writer’s blogk: Observation 9
9. Don’t write for writing’s sake
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Vivisanction
Perhaps stop
splicing Elephants
to Faeries
and things of such
ridiculousness
Perhaps don’t bring
the Mammoth
back to life
as tempting as
it is
to be God
Perhaps the World
is perfect
the way
She is
the way
She works
And even better
without humans
Perhaps it’s
all as it
should be…
All that it is
Kait King 21/04/2020
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Drinkies
“I am not thirsty –
I am the tall glass of water.”
Kait King 19. 12. 2024
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Insides Out
What’s on the inside is all that matters…..
But if there is no one around to see the insides on the inside…
Are they better out?
© Kait King, 2015
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Another Opportunity
Yes love,
that’s exactly
what you do
Dust yourself off
once you’ve
pulled yourself up
and sing
dance
stand tall
Honey if you
think about it
it’s not the first time
and be sure
it will not be the last
You know the rights
from the wrongs
Don’t ever let them change
your song
With a Nelson Mandelian
grace
and a dignity dug
from the deep
You will triumph
and in a cloud of
dust, like a rolling
Pig Pen
You flagrantly walk
your walk into
another opportunity
© Kait King, 2016
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His broken heart is hid
Life suspended in a web-like hammock
the coffee smell not as nostril-curling as in the past
a homeless man stumbles along wet walks
dragging his sorry arse along the splinter lit street
a reflection of a sad life in a hard city,
his city, a place where he lost his wife and his job,
a home, his family
where he nearly took his own
when things were darker than ebony
and he had to walk his walk alone
A bunch of aggro school kids
too brash and way too loud
disrespect his foul figure on the skids
he had no room to be proud
He seeks a place that’s dry
it won’t be warm,
he knows a place where he can cry
and his aching tears won’t show
© Kait King, 2015
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You know it’s over when…
So this is it
I mean nothing to you
I no longer exist in your world
There is no contact number for me
In your cellphone
anymore…
Kait King © 2015
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When I Write
When I write
every word is like
a finely crafted feather
particles of a winged voice
To uplift imagination
poor soothe upon torment
A flight path
mind’s destination to dream
picture perfect characters
who they are
where they belong
where you fit in
Nestled tight
keep out cold
turn against the winds of ice
water falling crashing calling
the feather nestled tight
let your imagination take flight
with these words I write
© Kait King, 2015
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When you let me in
When we are
touching skin
when you have
let me in
With a dream-like
essence
I feel your
presence
the heat from
your skin
when you let me in
I know there
are no lies
I can see it
in your blue eyes
I can feel it
from your mouth
I can hear it in
your blazing skin
when you let me in
the goose bumps on
your flesh
and our kiss
can only express
we are so lost
it must be a sin
but only when
you let me in
© Kait King, 2015
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Crime of Passion
I wonder what my reaction
would be
if I came home and had
to see
you with someone that was
not me?
Would I stay or
would I flee?
The four stages
of shock
when you find someone else
locked
on the end of your man’s
cock
and you need a loaded
Glock
So do you stand quietly
by the door
do you want to
watch some more
or
do you want to scream at her
she’s a whore
or collapse on
the floor or
walk out?
Do you do it all
real calmly
like you don’t really
want it to be
“Would you like a cup of tea?”
“Would you please explain to me?”(tearfully)
That would be nice
but it’s not me
This is more
my reality
“I’m gonna kill the both of you for free!”
“How could you do this to me?” (insanely)
But a gun wouldn’t leave me
in doubt…
© Kait King, 2015
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Guides and Guardians
“I think legally, ‘Sole Custody’ should read ‘Soul Custody’, and we all know why…”
© Kait King, 2016
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Suffocate me
Lash me to you
bind me
with your love
string me along with
the world’s largest ball of twine
that’s fine
Wrap me in your arms
swaddle me in your dreams
Take me further than
the ends of our Earth
As far as that may seem
© Kait King, 2015
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Dude you need a Tic Tac!
If you are able to correct something
that is harmfully wrong ~
Then it must be done.
© Kait King, 2015
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Chocolate for my Mind
Tripping
spilling
falling
dropping
words come tumbling out
Hedonistic
realistic
possibly artistic
like chocolate for my mind
are the words from my soul
replete
resplendent
and resonate
to make me feel whole
© Kait King, 2017
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What can we do about child abuse? Phase One – Sexual
I would just like to say this is purely my opinion based on the knowledge and research I have undertaken. I would like to also note that I have absolutely nothing against consenting adults indulging in whatever they agree upon but this is not the case with child abuse. Apologies in advance if I offend anyone, although, not if you’re a paedophile or an abuser or violator of any kind!
1.) Understand the Paedophile
There is no race, country, religion, creed, colour or status that child abuse does not touch. With or without; money, love, two parents, exceptional education or anything and everything money can or cannot buy, will not identify who will and who will not be touched by child abuse. The innate behaviour of a paedophile can’t be changed. I use the word innate as it is – it is a preference that a paedophile is behaviourally, innately (not by choice – like being homosexual) attached to and can’t change. For example, I am a straight female – heterosexual. There is no amount of counselling, medication, psychiatric, religious or any other kind of “help” to be offered to me to change the fact that I am heterosexual – you cannot counsel me into being a lesbian or a fetishist or to like B&D if that is not part of my reptilian brain sexuality and not who I, innately, am.
Perhaps if we took more of an attitude that paedophiles cannot be rehabilitated (as science realised with homosexuality – it is their sexuality and not a choice), perhaps then less harm would come to our children. The majority of paedophiles who go through rehabilitation programmes re-offend again and very quickly. How would you go through life without sexual gratification, particularly during the peak of your hormonal life without any sexual gratification even though there are numerous opportunities for you to fulfil that desire – and yet you can not. This is irrational and unreasonable to expect of someone’s sexuality. Sexuality is what we are hot-wired for as human beings. It is what makes the world turn. So with that being said, with sexuality such a massive part of our being as human beings to survive – how on earth can we possibly expect a known paedophile not to re-offend?
We look at the paedophile through our own eyes and perception – a “non-pedocentric” view, whereas we need to know how a paedophile perceives the world and his opportunity, his innateness and where he can be tripped up. We need to do extensive research into common identifiers paedophiles use to select a child to groom, whether on-line or in the real world scenario. They will be very different scenarios, also whether familial or non-familial grooming. The majority of offending against children was familial, but now with the internet and the availability that strangers have to our children, this is swaying. We need to do everything – not something – but everything to protect OUR children the world over. A society should be measured by the way it takes care of its’ vulnerable populations, not by how many meetings/summits/discussions a country pays for to discuss which assets should be sold or a lot of hot air where nothing changes but the hotel break was lovely and the food was great! For who’s benefit?
This is just the start of something I would like to continue writing about – this is Part One of goodness knows how many pieces, as this topic is fricken massive, but needs to be addressed. It is something that eats away at my heart and soul every day and so I hope whether you agree, disagree, have other stories, please share, please get involved because the more we talk about this, the more we find out, the more we can change. I mean, imagine if we could find out that the majority of paedophiles pick children who, for example, don’t make eye contact or wear the colour yellow – we would at least have something to work with. We must empower our children and remove power from the paedophile. I believe in the 35c solution for paedophiles – or use them for testing instead of our innocent animals – either way, they are taking up OUR kids air that they should not have to fear breathing anywhere at any time.
© Kait King, 2015
In Phase 2 I would like to continue with addressing the innate behaviour of the paedophile and the impossibilities of changing this, but with regards to desire and not just behaviour.
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My Mama Says
Mum says
they’re just jealous!
But it doesn’t
stop them
from treating me
like dirt
The teachers say
just stay away
which is easy
if I was invisible
or didn’t mind
getting hurt
© Kait King, 2015
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Playing dressups
The night before, we had argued. We had argued because he had consumed two bottles of red wine and anything else that he could find the dredges of, which would be almost zilch because he always finished everything off. Anyway – I’m not a huge drinker and not during the week to the point where I wouldn’t be able to get up for work. This guy used to drive to work, still drunk, the next day. I often used to find him slumped over his steering wheel, car jacked up half on the curb and lawn or driveway and curb, the lights and radio still blaring. The drivers’ door askew and one leg hanging out. Like it’s the thought that counts…he thought he could get home, get inside the house…ridiculous. So this was why I was mad.
Anyway, as you do, I couldn’t sleep and lay in our bed wondering how the hell did I get here and how the hell I was going to extricate myself from it all. It must’ve been close to 4 am and I hear his car bumble into the driveway and something inside me wished he’d just stay in that car tonight, I was still pissed at the whole uncaring scenario. Alcoholics tend to not give a shit – like just about every other addict addicted to something more important than you.
I can hear him scrabbling around with his keys and I hear him talking nonsense to the cat and rummaging in the fridge. I make sure my back is turned as I just cannot face an argument with an illogical, loud, irrational drunk. He comes into our bedroom. I can hear him undressing and I lie quietly – trying to make my breathing sound even and as if I’m well asleep. He’s struggling to get his pants off and falls around the room, cursing and bumping into things and then collapses onto the bed, snoring.
I pluck feebly at the bed blankets he’s trapping underneath his comatose body. I lie there trying to figure out how I’m going to breathe for the next while, till I have to get up for work, as the room is turning into an alcoholic gas chamber. I only have to wonder about this for an hour and then I will have to get up to open the restaurant for breakfast. I can’t stand it so I get up. I decide to have shower to shake off the sleepless night. We have an en suite and I find my way there in the dark and turn the light on on the inside of the wall. A faint beam streams out, highlighting the bedroom as I turn to close the door behind me. In the moment the light poured itself briefly over my sleeping partner, I noticed something strange. All I could see were maybe two dark lines down his back – up to where the covers hid the rest of his body – from the sort of elbow area down. He’s lying on his stomach and is snoring facing the other way.
I gently open the door a little wider so that more light can try and identify what I am not sure I am seeing. I tentatively take a step back into the bedroom, squinting in the shadowy room. I keep going towards the bed and stand there looking at him. If you had been recording it, it would’ve looked like something out of those spooky paranormal movies. I was trying to figure out what he was wearing. I lean forward and carefully pull the sheets back to expose more of his body.
I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, scream or punch him. He was wearing a petticoat, with little string straps and a lacy trim. I was like, what the fuck!! I was in shock – I tell you, there is nothing like finding your man dressed up in women’s lingerie to wake you the fuck up out of your grumbling stupor of a morning.
His name just fell loudly out of my face and I was still clutching the tented bedclothes above him. His drunken scrunched up face dug itself deeper in the pillow and an arm came out to grab the blankets back.
“I like it! It’s nothing!” He slurred and promptly fell back into his drunken slumber. Well, I’m sorry, but I have nothing against anyone doing things that are consensual and don’t hurt anyone, but I do want to be the only one in the lingerie!
We spoke about it and he denied, denied, denied. It was crazy – I mean, I saw him! Needless to say as I like my men all man, I left and we have stayed friends. Interestingly enough his next girlfriend contacted me in a very distressed state to say that she thought he was cheating as she had found a suitcase of women’s lingerie, stockings and high heel shoes in the boot of his car when she had borrowed it one day. If only that were the case.
It was strange because after the initial shock and insulted type of feeling I had, I felt sorry for him…I realized that maybe he drank so heavily as he was trying to run away from who he needed to be. It may not be who you want to be, but it will be who you are…
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The Writers’ Blogk: Observation 4
- Integrity is everything and open-mindedness is anything when you write, whether for yourself or for the masses.
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The Pearl
pain
a grain of sand
irritating
anger making pain
the constant muse
restricted not abused
pain
as deep as a black hole
endless and whole
but from the oyster
emerges
the pearl
© Kait King, 2015
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Under Pressure
“Humans are like the weird sea creatures of the Earth,
Change the pressure and we can burst.”
Kait King 2017
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Music, Music – food for my soul, it spits me out and then swallows me whole
© Kait King, 2015
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A Bad Combination
That’s a bad combination
A Lover who’s a Man
It doesn’t matter,
you see
’cause he’ll take it
if it’s free
Yeah…that’s a
bad combination
a Lover
who’s a Man
© Kait King, 2015
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Summer in my Heart
The grass squeaks
beneath my feets
Cold steals well into
my bones
Chilly cows in
frosty fields
complain in
mooing moans
The sun is
shining watery bright
glistening drips from
my watery nose
In the shade
of the rock garden
lies a frosty
useless hose
The dogs’ little
paws
hardly leave
a mark
It’s beautiful but
not my favourite time
I have Summer
in my heart
© Kait King, 2016
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The Most Important Thing
She married him
when she was 23
and he was 37
She thought she’d met
Prince Charming
and he thought he’d gone
to Heaven
It didn’t take long tho’
for him to change
his song
And feel like he
was imprisoned
It happened so fast,
turned life on its arse –
she fell undeniably
and beautifully pregnant
She had her baby alone
while he drank and whored
in their home
No, it hadn’t been long
he was just bored
and it was just wrong
He had already been here
twice in his life
He had other children
and more than one wife
So with dignity
and as a lady
she took nothing
with her
just her baby
She didn’t want half
of the furniture
or a share of
the bling
She knew
she had kept
the most important thing
© Kait King, 2015
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Letmeout!
My eyes feel
like I’ve rolled them in salt
My brain
just won’t let me sleep
I go through the stories
in my head –
blaming myself and
at fault
No one else
sees me like that
although they often find
the broken me
I’m not that hard
to interpret
My body stops me
being free
and my brain won’t
even let it
© Kait King, 2015
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Somewhere Else…
Sometimes I
feel like
my Soul is
desperately
trying to
escape…
Tap
Tap
Tapping
at the top
of my skull
“There’s
somewhere
else I’m
supposed to
be
Let me
out!
Set
me
free!”
© Kait King, 2018
02/04/2018
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Oh I Didn’t See You There…
It’s going to get dark again, even if the sun is shining. I know what I’m in for. Staring into nowhere with a sense of hopelessness and despair that seems to have no end at the time. So you’re back, you’ve returned with your sticky, clingy sadness I must wear as a shawl. It’s a shawl made of all my wrong-doings, lost dreams, failed relationships, and a frightening anxiety about the future. It weighs a tonne, and I struggle to sit up in bed with it on, or get out of bed, or brush my teeth or my hair… you weigh me down, Depression.
I didn’t know I was feeling so bad until I was in the kitchen making myself a coffee… I had been thinking negatively, granted. And the cold of winter doesn’t make it easy either, so the future looks grim with the situation I’m in. This is the exact time the Shawl of Depression draped herself securely around me, so I had to drag myself sadly and tearfully back to my bed. I see the sky, the sun, the birds, the beauty – the beauty in everything but me and my life. Then I tell myself off for being so ungrateful and get angry at the things that stop me from being who I want to be. My anger covers the fear and anxiety. I would rather be angry than scared. It’s a long process to get to angry. It’s a long, unseen, unknown process that puts me there in the first place, though.
I lie facing the wall. I don’t want to look at beautiful things. My eyes are open, I’m not moving though – my breathing hasn’t changed, it’s still rhythmical, and the tears just seem to fall out of my eyes endlessly. No noise, no change, nothing – just a waterfall coming out of my face that seems like it won’t let up. I don’t understand the grief or the sadness. Perhaps it is the broken me saying goodbye to the real me but refusing to let me go… In a little bit, I will sit up and write about this. It’s crippling and yet I know I have to ride this out. I know I should take a good look at those feelings, but I’m just too angry at the moment…
Kait King 2017
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A Tortured Soul
I know I’ve never loved
anyone, anywhere
in any way even
close to the way
I love you
I’ve never hurt
anyone, anywhere
in any way
more than I’ve tortured
myself
about you
© Kait King, 2015
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Child Abuse: Phase Two…from behaviour to desire
Understanding the Predator – Desire
Previously I discussed the behavior of the pedophile. Now I’d like to address the desire that spurns the predator into scarring our children.
Take, for example, the standard human relationship of a male and a female, or homosexual relationships as well, the straight adult male seeks a woman with say, an hourglass figure, long hair, big boobs, and maybe a small butt. Or what about a homosexual male relationship? He may, for example, be looking for someone who is tall, bulky and muscular or perhaps for someone who has an athletic build. Regardless of their sexuality, the desire to be with someone is created normally, from attraction to the adult physique – the physical is what attracts us all initially in the realm of adult relationships.
The first thing we are attracted to is what we see. That has been the norm since forever. As a woman I desire certain physical male attributes – I want a hairy chest and armpits, I like my man to be strong – have strong arms and chest, I like it that he pads around my house like a big cat – these are desirable physical attributes to me, as a straight female. We are talking purely physical attraction/desire so please keep this in mind. Straight men will have other triggers, which I’m sure we are all familiar with, like when she bends over, the way she flicks her hair back, her boobs when they squish together when she bends over, when she bends over…you know the drill! 😉
Anyway, let us assess what a paedophile must see as desirable in a child. Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, primary school kids,pre-teens – the majority of these age groups do not have a shapely figure and no breasts, no butt, no adult conversation. So is the pedophile attracted to those little cute, pudgy bodies, plump little cheeks and wispy head of hair etc? Physical attraction is what first triggers that desire, right?
What about those individuals who claim it is about control. Is it really about being socially awkward and being unable to talk to a grown woman/man? Is it then that every paedophile suffers with Asperger’s or Autism of some kind? Why don’t other socially awkward people become pedophiles then? I think it’s because it is not about control but about attraction – same principal as in the first part of Phase 1 – you cannot counsel, medicate, talk or religion me out of my sexuality – it is innate and this is why a paedophile cannot be rehabilitated.
All they will learn to do is hide their sexuality better, they will learn to be better skilled at obtaining silence from their victim/s, they will become better at saying what the professionals need to hear to let them back out into our communities. It’s a fault, it’s not fixable, you cannot rehabilitate away an individual’s sexual preference. It is that simple. The 35c solution is that simple. Parents and families who have lost kids to pedophiles, both spiritually and in life, also know it’s that simple.
Is what we have been doing so far working for us? Are our kids safe?
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Lyrics to We’re in Love
Verse
When
you come around
with summer
sunshine in your eyes
With the
sweetest touches
kisses
there can be no
disguise
You’re in love with me
Don’t you
see the way
I like to be
so close and in I
wanna feel
the passion baby
burning on my skin
I’m in love with you
Chorus
No better time to find the one
That you can love
No better time to thank
The powers up above
No better ways to pass the days
Than fall in love
No sweeter sounds than the sounds of
Making love
Verse
You’re just
so perfect baby
It’s your gentle
loving smile
I want to have you
near me lover
Stay with me
a while
I’m in love with you
I see the way
you watch me
When you think that
I don’t know
I see it in your face
and eyes
If you think
that it don’t show
You’re in love with me
Chorus
© Kait King, 2015
The writer's blogk 