This is mostly a true story!!
A long, long, loooong time ago….well it certainly feels like that, I sort of stumbled along into acting and modelling. That had to be said as I was doing some extra work on a vampire movie out in an area I live not far from now, Kings Seat. Typical film day, we had to be on set at 4-fricken-am, and in make up after signing in. So it’s cold and wet and windy. The location is an abandoned insane asylum. Big luminous floodlights are set up inside and outside of the main empty building. Spitting rain plays invisible/visible as it passes through the light – gusts of dark wind causing frenzied flurries – mesmerising, hypnotising, vampirising – so yeah, it was perfect for filming a horror/vampire movie.
A bunch of us headed up to the gloomy entrance of the building – I was desperate to take a look around and needed to find a partner in crime. Somebody else who liked having the begeezuz scared out of them. Everybody clattered into the front hallway and across to where the lamps could be seen and bizarrely enough, the smell of bacon was coming from. Trestle tables were scattered in some haphazard order, if that’s even possible and there was hustle and bustle going on where breakfast was being prepared. The area was huge, with warped wooden floors – dusty as hell, doors hung off hinges as did cobwebs off every corner and chandelier or light fitting. I wasn’t hungry at 5 am but I could do with coffee and anyway I needed to convince someone to come exploring with me. Someone who didn’t mind if they missed getting picked for some opportune moment in the movie because they were missing…
So I settled in next to someone who looked friendly enough and sipped on my coffee – it sucked, it was not real coffee and I don’t do imitation anything if I can help it – and coffee is a miracle and should be treated as such. Anyway, I’m listening quietly to the discussion I’ve intruded on. I recognise a few faces, the “usuals” and I guess I was one of them too… we swap a few early crinkled grins and raised eyebrows as acknowledgement of each other. Fuck knows what your name is but I usually don’t forget a face.
So it turns out, besides an abandoned insane asylum being creepy enough, it was haunted too. Haunted with psyche nurses who had killed themselves apparently in absolute despair. Now there were two kinds of people sitting around sipping crap coffee listening to the ghost stories. People who get more and more creeped out and just want to cling to the fluffy teddy-bear image they have of life, and then there’s people like me. People like me become more entranced and fascinated with a bad, never done before, you will never make it, you can’t do it, story… and I was sold. When you’re wired like this, you learn to pick out others who see the sick fascination in everything bizarre, unusual and usually incomprehensible. And there they were – two of them who seemed to know each other already. I had never seen them around any of the other jobs I’d been on. So I kept quiet and watched and listened and learned. They were funny and adventurous, curious and tough – I liked them and we all clicked as soon as we started chatting. I introduced myself and as we chatted away and started talking about the creepy old place, a very effeminate, obviously gay man dropped into the conversation and also fitted in perfectly with our twisted fascination of ghosts and things not of sound mind, or body for that matter.
So we slunk off to have a look around at this grey stone, intimidating building. We were in one of many – there was a place where only children were kept. The bunks lined the wall, not two up – but three. The bunks were so close together you would have to be a pretty skinny kid to squeeze your way down to the floor. The so called play ground was a fenced area with one dead, leafless tree or a twisted skeleton was sitting sadly in the middle of a patch of dirt which had become mud now, in the drizzle. The area seemed way too small for all the kids that might have filled all of those bunk beds at one time…even half of them would be a crowd. You could almost see them standing in the rain, clothes dripping, hair clinging to their unloved unwanted skulls. A great sadness hung around this area and it made us all pause and be grateful that we were on the other side, even though Kings Seat was empty – even though it didn’t quite feel like that.
Behind us was the building for the criminally insane. Razor blade wire sat on top of a chain link fence glinting dangerously at us in the flickering lights from afar. I wondered how many desperately crazy people had dreamed of being able to slice their arms on that wire and escape the hell they were in. This place was for those charming individuals who danced around with their mother’s skin draped over them in the moonlight – naturally Ed Gein springs to mind.
We held our mobile phones up to see where we were going and to read or look at things that caught our attention. We moved up to a general patients building. Were they just generally insane? Or did they generally behave under medication? Generally harmless? There was a broken window at the back above a walkway area – possibly made for wheelchair access. We all managed to clamber in after chunking bits of glass off the windows’ edge with a stone. It was incredibly dark and scary. The four of us clung together like shit to a blanket – I didn’t care if I was the blanket or the shit, I just wasn’t letting go come hell or high water.
So there we huddle, like a pack of startled rats. I wanted to make a circle out of us, y’know so we just could shuffle around but our backs were always protected. This started out as a good idea but became obvious very quickly that it was impossible to move through doorways, use stairs or get down hallways with any stealth or logic. We file behind each other and end up in a big open room with huge dormer windows. Bird poop, dust and time had smeared the windows to a level where it wouldn’t have mattered if the sun was shining, nothing was getting through those. The rain against the windows didn’t even manage to make a running pattern against the concreted bird shit and grime. Scattered over the floor were pictures, pictures that had been drawn by the patients who had once lived here. As we wandered through the open room and our eyes became a little more acquainted to the bad light we could see pictures still pinned to the walls. Tendrils of wallpaper hung around the pictures pinned indiscriminately with sometimes only one pin. The paper was yellowed and brittle, the pictures childlike – perhaps used as some sort of therapy. The room looked as if someone had just torn loads of pictures off the walls or out of cupboards and scattered them over the floor, leaving just the odd cluster of those who had time to be pinned. As I looked through some of the pictures I noticed some that were drawn in black, red and purple crayon – angry, hurt drawings. It was weird, standing there, looking into personal demons of strangers. Wondering why there are so many stories of the people who care for the crazy ending up crazy themselves or worse still, dead.
You could almost see a body hanging in a doorway, someone scratching on a wall, another rocking back and forth in some vortex unknown. We took our leave and headed back out through the window and out into the dank dark morning. As we crunched our way around the weed riddled gravel roads we came across a pen type building. There were hoses attached and metal bars that looked like they would pin a human against the wall. We all agreed that this felt like a place where people had been forced to be cleaned or washed. It felt desolate and wet, cold and unforgiving. As we moved through the property we found ourselves in a very oppressive place. We walked through a heavy metal door, we didn’t want to touch it and all of us managed to squeeze through it’s unwilling opening. I stood in the dusty darkness, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was in a narrow low corridor, about ten rooms ran opposite each other with steel doors on each. The rooms themselves were all made of cement – the floor flowed into a cement bed, up into a cement wall and a grater type covering sat over a small oblong window. You wouldn’t be able to put your face up to it or look out onto anything. The whole room was cement, nothing movable. I could feel so much pressure on my body it was weird. As we walked down looking into the rooms we found sad memento’s of those forgotten. A filthy comb on a cement bed, a piece of hopeful rope, a blood smattering, or smear in just about every room. These dungeons stank of pain, sadness and death – death of spirit…
It was so oppressive we all became desperate to get out, panicky – overwhelming stuffiness and cloying glue air. Clambering and squeezing through the impossibly heavy door we fell out of the corridor into an open room and looked at each other, exclaiming how awful that was. We had all been frightened by this creepy old building and the grounds. We had all felt the sadness and suffocating oppressiveness but for some reason it was overwhelming in that close, dark corridor of cement rooms. We made a hurried journey back to the main building, strangely quiet in the slowly iron grey morning. Once we got there amongst the lights and bustle we kind of relaxed a little. The thought of anyone being locked up in those cells made of cement, like a tomb, it was incomprehensible. So with a hot drink in our clutches we tried to warm up a little. Some of the people who had been chatting to my new found friends came over to our huddle and asked us where we had escaped to. After telling them in great detail about our scary travels around Kings Seat we were all called to set and had to stand around for a while in silence most of the time – very tiresome. Anyway at morning tea it seemed that a little tour guide gathering had decided we were going to take them to the creepy tomb-like cells where the insane must have thrown themselves against the walls, clawed at the grater windows till they bled, banged their heads against those concrete walls and some would have killed themselves in there too, no doubt.
We arrived at the huge concrete and steel door into the corridor to the cells. We couldn’t move the door either open more or closed so those who were able and willing, slipped through the gap and into the squashing atmosphere of the tomb. There were lots of ooOOoo’s and aaahhh’s – a shriek and giggling. Slowly people dripped back out of the tombs’ corridor and into where I was standing, unable to go back in after the way I had felt there. No one seemed to be too fussed, I think there were too many of us to feel or allow anything to feel.
We returned to the main building – the adventure had been creepy and mysterious to all of the others but they had not felt what we had felt. The four of us had made surreptitious eye contact, realising that no one else had experienced that suffocating horror, or silent desperateness to get out. None of us had spoken while we had been in that corridor, looking into the cells – it was almost out of some religious or spiritual reason or respect that we were unable to do anything initially and then just want to escape a split second later, with absolute needy desperation…it was strange.
We continued filming after the morning break and lunchtime rolled around. One of the research guys from the crew invited me to sit and have lunch with him. We had met before and he always knew what was going on and when. So I told him what we had been up to and that I thought the place where the psychiatric nurse would have committed suicide would be in that tomb room that the four of us had felt strange in. He looked at me with a slightly confused look on his face.
“Which psyche nurse was this?” he asks
“Well, I think there was more than one who committed suicide because of the patients…” I said, trailing off. He was shaking his head. “Uh uh…that’s not what happened there. You have the wrong story.”
So I ask him to tell me the real deal. Apparently that cement cell block held the most dangerous patients – and was generally full at any one time. The ratio for patient and nurse was one on one due to the nature of the beast. Somehow one of the patients overwhelmed his nurse, a male psyche nurse and suffocated him. He then stealthily crept to the next cell and helped the next patient kill his nurse and so on and so forth until all ten severely violent and disturbed psyche patients were free. As the gathering group moved down the cell block the killing became more and more frenzied as they realised there was nothing that the nurses could do when there was seven of them and only 3 nurses left. Some patients threw bodies against walls and smashed the victims heads open, dangled brains over themselves and ran around screaming.
No one would go in there. The staff believed they would calm down when it came around to meal time and the nightmare could be dealt with then. Well the patients managed to hole up in there for 5 days, eating the bodies of the dead nurses. Then they turned on themselves. That is why there is no Kings Seat Asylum for the Mentally Insane any more – they ate the staff and the clients – real bad for business….
The End
© Kait King, 2015
somethingIwrote
It doesn’t really matter
So very close to me
you look
on my inside
and I think it doesn’t matter
So very close to me
you breathe
on my outside
and I think it doesn’t matter
Then I’m alone
pictures fall in my head
I shut my eyes so tight
and lie lost in my bed
wishing you were here
so very close to me
and I know…
it really doesn’t matter
any more
© Kait King, 2015
Every Time
Every time my phone beeps
I’m wishing hard it’s you…
Kait King 2017
The Writer’s Blogk: Observation 2
- Poetry, or writing, isn’t a forced process, I wake up at night to scribble down stuff. I keep a pen and notebook at hand so that I don’t lose anything – I may wake up in the clear light of day and just think it’s a load of crap….but at least I get to verify that!
Just take more drugs…
Pain eats you up
it gnaws on my
already
frazzled nerves
Pain is a game
I play against
my self,
my will,
my mind
Pain wears me down
it sucks away at my
strength,
my soul,
my life
© Kait King, 2015
Freedom Of Some Kind
Untruth
Half Truth
No Truth
Just Lies
Corona
Not Covid
99 percent
Survives
Hopeless
And Helpless
On who we
Must Rely
No more
Tears or Shock
No more Time
To Cry
Anger
And Fury
Inside
after
Lies
But I will
Fight
For Freedom
Or else
I will Die
Kait King 8th of January 2022
Time
Time
Does not heal
All wounds
Time
Spent with things
Left unsaid
Leaves gaping
Endless wounds
Maybe you can
forgive yourself
before
You’re quietly dead.
Kait King ♡ April 2018
Boy
I watch you grow in
the sunshine of my love
with raindrops of pure joy
you fall around me
endlessly
In the deepest, darkest shadows
You shine your brightest light
every day
every night
My baby boy
you turn my life around
Baby boy
you turn my life upside down
As the seconds with you turn into years
your fearless journey with
true innocence moves away
suddenly you’re a schoolboy
with a schoolbag
who won’t hold my hand anyway
My baby boy
you turn my life around
Beautiful boy
you turn life upside down
Strong enough to climb
the tallest tree
your big brown eyes smile down
your laughter falling like autumn
leaves
fall to cover me
© Kait King, 2015
one two….

2 sugars
1 coffee
stirring up your day
2 people
1 future
they will be ok
1 wish
2 dreams
watch it float away
1 hope
2 worlds
1 lifetime to play
© Kait King, 2015
Treading Water
Speeding up
Slowing down
Maybe just going
Round and round
© Kait King, 2015
Frankenfearless
Frankenfearless –
I am not
The monsters make
me nervous
We meet them almost
every day
So navigating life
can be perilous
© Kait King, 2015
Nowhere

I’m screaming
your name
and it just drops
into
nowhere
© Kait King, 2015
Lyrics to Does me good in my Soul
CH: I know what I have
and I know what I want
What I can’t figure out
is what it is that I don’t
Verse 1: I don’t have to take
their crap
and all that yakkity-yak
that does me no good
in my Soul
Verse 2: I’ve walked down
that track
And I have always
looked back
but that does me no good
in my Soul
Verse 3: ‘Cause I’ve cried
nearly every day
And that’s not just something
I’d say
’cause it does me no good
in my Soul
Verse 4: But then I look
at you
And I know a Love
so true
and that does the World of Good
in my Soul
© Kait King, 2016
Is it
So do you think it may annoy you
should I love you too much
That time would trap you
in a heartbeat
If I won’t give you up
Is it crazy to think
that you will only touch
my skin
stroke my hair
and let me in
Will it be overwhelming if I say
I love you every day
leave notes in your lunchbox
and always want you to stay
the night
the week
forever
Is it rude of me to want all of you
not a share, a percentage or a piece
but the everything and nothingness
of you
the very most
and
the very least
© Kait King, 2015
When
“When you’re driven – you get places.”
© Kait King, 2015
Your Old Sweaty Shirt
That’s the last thing you wore
that held your warm body close
It was the last thing before
your heart and pressure slowed
A cloth got to finally hold you
something I never got to do
People say that it was better that way
But I don’t know if that’s quite true
I hold your once sweaty t-shirt
drenched now with my own tears
and try to inhale what’s left of you
As it fades from all the years
© Kait King, 2015
Loss/values
People experience loss in very different ways. People experience what they value differently too. Depending on what you are taught to value, is how you will experience that loss. If, when growing up, you are taught the difference between giving, taking and sharing we form a basis for understanding value. If you are taught to value money and possessions, that these things make you the person you are, things define you. What if you go bankrupt and lose everything – will you commit suicide? Money and success has represented you and your life.
But if money was not the valued commodity and family was – if you lost everything materialistic, wouldn’t your family or friends have the most important value to you, not your image of success? Family and friends are there when nothing and nobody else is…
How do you define yourself? What is really important to you? How do you represent yourself in the world?
Just food for thought….
I buried you, I hope you don’t mind
What do you mean?
You don’t get it?
I’ve talked the hind leg
off a donkey
telling you why it is
what it is
and no
I don’t regret it
How can you say that?
How would you know?
I get pissed that
I’m not good enough
I won’t put my
assets on show
I watch you
watching yourself
under the radar
so low
Hiding who you
really are
and now I wish
I didn’t know
When did you do that?
Is it like someone I know?
There is no name, no face
No one to show
And I need a body
to bury
So I can let you go
© Kait King, 2015
I can’t help it
Lonely words
on a hungry page
I see you through
a love-drenched haze
I’ll make it through
the crying days
I can’t help it that I love you
Bleeding heart
in a tortured mind
I never thought
You could be unkind
But I ll make it through
the hurting time
I can’t help it that I love you
© Kait King, 2015
So I Lie To Myself
Not all is well
In this tepid Hell
Frogs in a slow
cooking pot
Unaware how pleasant
is now
Unpleasant
And uncomfortably
hot?
So I lie to myself
Are we just stupid
Foolish
Or maybe just dumb?
That we can see
The wood for the trees
Eventhough
All the chopping’s
Been done?
Are we blind
Because we can’t
Seem to see
All the harm being done
To our precious families
Are we blind?
Kait King 2022
the drugs
I cannot keep
my eyes open
the drugs,
they make me sleep
I cannot do what
I really want to
the drugs,
they make me weak
I cannot say
what I want to say
the drugs,
they tie my tongue
I cannot think
in all clarity
the drugs,
they make me wrong
© Kait King, 2015
Bully
The words that fall
off your fingers
as you tip tap text
to me
are untrue, hurtful
and dangerous
You’re acting like
a bully
I don’t want to do that
but you threaten
me with this
You lied and said
I fucked him
when it was just a kiss
Why are you so
mean to me
What makes it ok
that you and
your so-called friends
hang me
and then
watch me sway
I couldn’t find anyone
I felt I could talk to
See everyone thought
it was true
But now I’m not here
any more –
I hope that’s better
for you…
© Kait King, 2015
tattoo you
my scars inside
and out
are my permanent ink
my life story
my art
© Kait King, 2015
Life’s Lockdown
There’s a quiet
Restlessness
in me
An audible
sssshhhhhhh!
A restless soul
pacing
trapped in
my Human
frame
Human house…
Human name…
or something else….
Kait King 2020
How much?
So I look at my bills
and it scares me half to death
I can’t believe I’ve spent all that
and then all the rest
Numbers march across a page
attempting to make sense
My brain engages zero –
the numbers too intense
And I dream about other things
that I haven’t purchased yet
Like diamond rings and gold plated things
and maybe a Lear jet
© Kait King, 2015
Filthy Lucre Lust
There’s a light blinking
A candle
The dripping wax
is blood red
Like my life
seeping from my
soul
And there’s a nuisance
in my head
Who do I
believe?
Who do I
trust?
When it all seems
to be about
money –
that Filthy Lucre Lust
by Kait King
28/11/2020
Why is A Having more important than A Being….😔
Kait King 13th June 2020
Lyrics to “Welcome to Hollywood”
V1. So you’re gonna tell me
that all that money
really makes it worthwhile
Yes, you’re here to say
that for a little more pay
you’re happy to change your style
V2. And it doesn’t matter
for worse or for better
it’s dollars in the bank you say
Well you’ve packed all your bags
No champagne, streamers or flags
Yes you’re off to be a star and hey –
Chorus: You can get to Hollywood easy
Show them what you’ve got
Even though it can be cheap and sleazy
I know that you are not
V3. Now you live up in the Hills
with fast cars and faster pills
Something to get you through each day
Red eyes and a bag of bones
But it’s just for the money you say, Hey –
Chorus….
© Kait King, 2016
Being grateful

This is just
a photograph
black and white
at that
it’s just a dream
I have
some of the same
old crap
That’s some weird
kinda unlucky
that’s really not
so hot
when you only see
what you don’t have
instead of what
you’ve got
Your glass is always
half empty
mine is always
half full
we can walk and
talk and
fall in love
which is more
than others
can do
© Kait King, 2015
Music to My Ears

If Pain
was Music
it would be
a Shrieking Violin
The Shriek
that makes
your Ears
Close off
without putting
your Fingers in
© Kait King, 2016
Too much Too late Too soon

When it seems to me
that this is the end
you just keep coming back
to me, my friend
I say that word with a smirk
on my face
I can’t just be friends
and your shit’s at my place
you’ll look at me with
your shiny eyes
pull my heartstrings
like a baby’s cries
And it won’t matter
‘cos it’s all lies
Too much Too late Too soon
© Kait King, 2015
Being the Ogre

You promise
you’ll be home tonight
to kiss the kids and
hold me tight
You tell me it won’t be
the same
until it happens
once again
You say I am
the only one
and what’s been done
can’t be undone
I stay quietly alone
all through the day
watching our kids
grow and play
and when the door opens
later at night
they think you’re home,
that they are all right
But bedtime comes
and they can’t wait up
I am the ogre who’s
taken their pup
Little do they know
you don’t give a damn
Fathers’ like you
shouldn’t be called men
© Kait King, 2015
Please Don’t…

Please don’t make me
feel stupid
for cherishing you
Don’t laugh
at my love
I don’t know what else
to do
Although I guess
it’s pretty clear
that I’m not the one
for you
© Kait King, 2015
☆WTF!??? I’m just so disappointed…I loveD Ellen deGeneres (Ellen theGenerous)

Ellen deGeneres
I feel like you’re one of us
When I see you on TV
I really feel you’re talking to me
And you say life is
not easy
when yours just seems
so breezy
and It’s not money that plays that part
but the love
beating in your heart
UPDATE: Was I so so wrong….💔
© Kait King, 2015
My Joy
My joy
your face
My life
misplaced
My breath
filling space
Alive,
still
© Kait King, 2015
(The not-so-cuddly) Security Blanket
“It’s like a
Bomb’s gone off
in my head
My body is
numb – it’s
Not there!”
She said
“It’s like I
have really
lost
my will
Nothing left in
Life
gives me
the slightest
thrill –
and the depression
has taken me
it’s now complete
I’m shrouded in
The darkness of
The
“Depression Sheet”
She says it’s safe
for her to sit
right there –
She’s comfortable
In
Anxiety
Depression
and
Fear
Kait King July 2021
Cataclysmically Incorrect
If I win
I will have won this
fair and square
If I lose
I will have lost this
and won’t have to care
about you
or your new girlfriend
If I’m wrong
I will be cataclysmically incorrect
I will owe on every bet
and beg you to forget her
and her endless bank account
legs and youth
If you could just be brave
and tell the truth
But I see you squirming
awkward in your plush car seat
I can see the worm –
it’s turning
Now it’s with me
you cheat…
© Kait King, 2015
The Neighbourhood
In the neighbourhood
it’s not so good
people get hurt
nearly every day
And even if you knew
who did it
you could never say
In the neighbourhood
it’s not so good
that’s where the body lay
Where his Mama cried
where others had died
And all the community
could do
was pray
© Kait King, 2015
iPad or iCare?

We teach our kids
to have a smaller
phone
a faster car
a bigger home
We teach our kids
to take what
they can
Never mind
if you
stomp on
plant
animal or
man
Little
do we know
the devastating
result
will be that
human life
on Earth
will grind to
an abrupt halt
© Kait King, 2015
Changeling

With a chattering
anxiety
A rattle pill-filled
state
the brain-numbing
chemicals
change the look
on
my face
That’s just
on the
outside
inside
it gets bad
Outside
is just a
cosmetic push
Inside –
you can’t change
sad…
© Kait King, 2016

