Letmeout!

trapped

My eyes feel

like I’ve rolled them in salt

My brain

just won’t let me sleep

I go through the stories

in my head –

blaming myself and

at fault

No one else

sees me like that

although they often find

the broken me

I’m not that hard

to interpret

My body stops me

being free

and my brain won’t

even let it

© Kait King, 2015

Child Abuse: Phase Two…from behaviour to desire

Understanding the Predator – Desire

Previously I discussed the behavior of the pedophile. Now I’d like to address the desire that spurns the predator into scarring our children.

Take, for example, the standard human relationship of a male and a female, or homosexual relationships as well, the straight adult male seeks a woman with say, an hourglass figure, long hair, big boobs, and maybe a small butt. Or what about a homosexual male relationship? He may, for example, be looking for someone who is tall, bulky and muscular or perhaps for someone who has an athletic build. Regardless of their sexuality, the desire to be with someone is created normally, from attraction to the adult physique – the physical is what attracts us all initially in the realm of adult relationships.

The first thing we are attracted to is what we see. That has been the norm since forever. As a woman I desire certain physical male attributes – I want a hairy chest and armpits, I like my man to be strong – have strong arms and chest, I like it that he pads around my house like a big cat – these are desirable physical attributes to me, as a straight female. We are talking purely physical attraction/desire so please keep this in mind. Straight men will have other triggers, which I’m sure we are all familiar with, like when she bends over, the way she flicks her hair back, her boobs when they squish together when she bends over, when she bends over…you know the drill! 😉

Anyway, let us assess what a paedophile must see as desirable in a child. Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, primary school kids,pre-teens – the majority of these age groups do not have a shapely figure and no breasts, no butt, no adult conversation. So is the pedophile attracted to those little cute, pudgy bodies, plump little cheeks and wispy head of hair etc? Physical attraction is what first triggers that desire, right?

What about those individuals who claim it is about control. Is it really about being socially awkward and being unable to talk to a grown woman/man? Is it then that every paedophile suffers with Asperger’s or Autism of some kind? Why don’t other socially awkward people become pedophiles then? I think it’s because it is not about control but about attraction – same principal as in the first part of Phase 1 – you cannot counsel, medicate, talk or religion me out of my sexuality – it is innate and this is why a paedophile cannot be rehabilitated.

All they will learn to do is hide their sexuality better, they will learn to be better skilled at obtaining silence from their victim/s, they will become better at saying what the professionals need to hear to let them back out into our communities. It’s a fault, it’s not fixable, you cannot rehabilitate away an individual’s sexual preference. It is that simple. The 35c solution is that simple. Parents and families who have lost kids to pedophiles, both spiritually and in life, also know it’s that simple.

Is what we have been doing so far working for us? Are our kids safe?

(The not-so-cuddly) Security Blanket

 

“It’s like a

Bomb’s gone off

in my head

My body is

numb – it’s

Not there!”

She said

“It’s like I

have really

 lost

my will

Nothing left in

Life

 gives me

the slightest

thrill –

and the depression

has taken me

it’s now complete

I’m shrouded in

The darkness of

The

“Depression Sheet”

She says it’s safe

for her to sit

right there –

She’s comfortable

In

Anxiety

Depression

and

Fear

Kait King July 2021

Does it Matter?

Does it matter

what color I am,

Does it matter, what color?

When I feel

just the same?

Does it matter

what faith I follow

Does it really matter, my faith?

When I can be

both deep and shallow?

Does it matter

if I’m alive or dead?

Does it matter

who it really is

When we all bleed

red?

Kait King 2018

Lyrics to We’re in Love

Lyr to in love

Verse

When

you come around

with summer

sunshine in your eyes

With the

sweetest touches

kisses

there can be no

disguise

You’re in love with me

Don’t you

see the way

I like to be

so close and in I

wanna feel

the passion baby

burning on my skin

I’m in love with you

Chorus

No better time to find the one

That you can love

No better time to thank

The powers up above

No better ways to pass the days

Than fall in love

No sweeter sounds than the sounds of

Making love

Verse

You’re just

so perfect baby

It’s your gentle

loving smile

I want to have you

near me lover

Stay with me

a while

I’m in love with you

I see the way

you watch me

When you think that

I don’t know

I see it in your face

and eyes

If you think

that it don’t show

You’re in love with me

Chorus

© Kait King, 2015

The Game

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It’s never easy talking about things that make us look weak in others’ eyes.  Like suicide, like depression – we know it is seen as ‘ not coping’ so we say nothing.  Saying nothing means nothing can change.  The same negative thoughts, the same repetitive hate talk, the same triggers to feeling overwhelmed don’t go away…

But it’s never OK to talk about feeling like you want to kill yourself. Nobody seems to know what to do if you have ever mentioned it to anyone, or they cry and panic and call people you just didn’t want involved.  Sometimes we mention it several times before actually committing or getting to a point of actual commitment to the act.  If a blade is going to be used, there are often preparation cuts – which can put the person off using that type of method – as it kind of hurts!  But if you want to kill yourself, you will find a way.

There is that old saying about someone attempting suicide is really a call for help.  I think in many cases this is true.  There seems to be no other answer to end the angst and pain.  That feeling like you don’t belong and want out, combined with all the spiritual stuff out there that indicates we get more than one chance at life – we’ll just get to come around again.  If you believe in God and heaven or Jesus – you believe in your salvation, you believe you will stand with Jesus on the other side.  And if you believe that when you’re dead, you’re dead – well Hell, at least the pain, confusion and suffering will have ended.

The idea of death is the idea that it will be the end of the suffering – forever, like switching off a light.  Or is it perhaps turning one on? For us?  To shine a light on something we have forever kept in the dark. It keeps happening, numbers keep increasing, children younger and younger are opting out of life – Why? Our kids seem to be more violent, suffering more and lacking resilience.

Do they think they are in a game and have more lives? The Game of Life? Pass Go and do not collect $200…

Rage

Her internal organs

were completely shoved

out of place

You couldn’t tell

where her eyes were

on her once

normal face

Her mouth,

no teeth…

although alive,

she had only 2

Her fingernails

held DNA

Her bruises spoke

in black

and blue

There was no weapon,

no club

no knife

Just pure

Red Rage

Rage enough

to steal

a life

Her family

yes, she has one,

Will have to hear

the tragic

news

of how,

in her relationship,

she was violently

abused

The children

saw

their father

as she was

twisted

punched and

burnt

It’s said she

stayed for

the children

Now, a lesson

sadly learned

And putting to

“Rest” their

Mother’s bones

So they look ahead

“Stay positive”

“You’re not alone”

“At least you have

a roof over

your head”

and face life

in a

foster home

While wishing

they were

dead

Kait King 2020

I’m no secret

Im no secret

I’m no secret

I’m loud and clear

I love you babe

put away your fear

I won’t leave

I won’t bow out

I promise I’m good for it

I’ll leave you no doubt

And all I ask in simple return

is the love from your heart

that I know I have earned

© Kait King, 2015

Pre-Occupancy

Pre-Occupancy

So nobody’s home

Just cardboard cut-outs

posed in my brain

Memories I can’t let go

Pre-Occupancy

A way to survive

Somehow to numb

the pain

Somehow to stay

the child

Pre-Occupancy

Merely a distraction

Something to hide

any connection

Anything to avoid

taking action

Pre-Occupancy

© Kait King, 2017