People experience loss in very different ways. People experience what they value differently too. Depending on what you are taught to value, is how you will experience that loss. If, when growing up, you are taught the difference between giving, taking and sharing we form a basis for understanding value. If you are taught to value money and possessions, that these things make you the person you are, things define you. What if you go bankrupt and lose everything – will you commit suicide? Money and success has represented you and your life.
But if money was not the valued commodity and family was – if you lost everything materialistic, wouldn’t your family or friends have the most important value to you, not your image of success? Family and friends are there when nothing and nobody else is…
How do you define yourself? What is really important to you? How do you represent yourself in the world?
What do you mean? You don’t get it? I’ve talked the hind leg off a donkey telling you why it is what it is and no I don’t regret it How can you say that? How would you know? I get pissed that I’m not good enough I won’t put my assets on show I watch you watching yourself under the radar so low Hiding who you really are and now I wish I didn’t know When did you do that? Is it like someone I know? There is no name, no face No one to show And I need a body to bury So I can let you go
I cannot keep
my eyes open
the drugs,
they make me sleep
I cannot do what
I really want to
the drugs,
they make me weak
I cannot say
what I want to say
the drugs,
they tie my tongue
I cannot think
in all clarity
the drugs,
they make me wrong
V1. So you’re gonna tell me
that all that money
really makes it worthwhile
Yes, you’re here to say
that for a little more pay
you’re happy to change your style
V2. And it doesn’t matter
for worse or for better
it’s dollars in the bank you say
Well you’ve packed all your bags
No champagne, streamers or flags
Yes you’re off to be a star and hey –
Chorus: You can get to Hollywood easy
Show them what you’ve got
Even though it can be cheap and sleazy
I know that you are not
V3. Now you live up in the Hills
with fast cars and faster pills
Something to get you through each day
Red eyes and a bag of bones
But it’s just for the money you say, Hey –
Chorus….
How can a shriveled, dried up piece of skin, with empty glass eyes even vaguely represent the fluid energy of movement and the mystical mythical beauty of a live animal?
Sometimes I pull my jersey
up over my head
or just want to stay curled up
in my too big bed
I just want and wish
everything to go away
I feel numb, time is timeless
and
I don’t know what to say
Sometimes it makes me feel like
I’m only ten
and I’m playing hide ‘n’ seek
again
Sometimes I want to curl into
a ball
and say good bye
to it all
Sometimes I don’t know if I have
the energy to breathe
let alone anything else
life has
up it’s sleeve
Sometimes I wonder
what a life would be like
if I could be set free
without string
and fly like a kite
Sometimes I doubt
what lies in front of me
I try not too look too far ahead
as I might not like
what I see
Nothing says home like the food you know, the smells that trigger head movies and the comforting arms and hands that picked you up and helped you mix and stir and “help” cooking when you were a kid. They now welcome you back into the fold, embrace your grown-upness but still visualised as the child, as you will always be. Family time is noise in the kitchen, clattering dishes and chattering mouths – we women of many words create more warmth with our talking breath, better than the lukewarm sun does, trying to impress us through a shameless glass. The men, young and old – three generations of my blood, gather around the finger food that has been laid out to stop them from starving before the main meal…if you believe that, you will believe anything.
My father, the patriarch, his unwilling body fighting his sharp, determined mind – his sharp, determined mind that used to beat his body has put its hands up and retreated. His brain is stronger than anything else, bar maybe his heart. He peers over his heavily framed glasses all the better to see a watch face his grandson has handed him to look at. His 80 year old eyes squint and recognise, the information is swift and he says the battery is a blah blah…..his mind as sharp as a knife. His son-in-law hands him a glass of wine which he carefully holds, the glass is heavy and cumbersome to him, due to his muscular dystrophy. He already can’t lift the glass to his lips but our mother brings straws with them so that he doesn’t have to.
His grandson, Jay, is a loud kid and is learning to pull his head in, but does show signs of promise with his unresearched fury at certain injustices. Maybe the same way my father felt about all of those things 60 years or more ago. My father brought all of us up to question everything, accept nothing at face value and to take risk in a positive way. He had a strong sense of what was right and fair and he brought four crusaders into the world to carry on that legacy. Give a shit, the majority of the population won’t – so you just have to. It’s your duty as a human being with the gift of life on this earth…
Thanks to all of my followers, fans, friends and family 🙂 I really appreciate all of your follows, comments, advice and shares. I hope you enjoy my blog and my recent thriller killer novel on Amazon called The 3 Little Piggies and now 2 poetry books, Supine Exsanguinationsand unseen poetry,My See-Through Mind also available on Amazon (please check out the Kait King on Amazon button on my site). I need reviews – the good, the bad and the ugly – please don’t be shy!:)
I’ve really enjoyed writing a blog and getting some of my stuff out there, actually it’s over 400 pieces of writing so maybe more than just some 🙂 Thank you for reading my blog, for commenting and letting me know how you feel and what you think – I love it and feel like I may have found a place in the blogosphere.
It really does get easier as I share more and realise those who read me, share these things with me as well. I have become comfortable with the WordPress tools and applications. I have been fortunate to have had only very minimal negative contact from anyone and that was a while ago, when I first started here. So again, thank you to all of you wonderful people who have made it easier for me to bare my soul! And also to all of you amazing people who are brave enough to put yourselves out there too!
Thank you – without you,
my life would be a little less inky!
This is for my amazing SupaSista
Who has been my strength throughout
My bestest friend and my sister
I just couldn’t do without
Tea and piklet scarfing
Feeling handbags and clothes
Sharing everything like it’s
with myself
Things no one else knows
I’ve been at my lowest
Boy, that was lowest low
And there she was like a shining beacon
Loving me and letting me know
Happy Birthday to my incredible, dynamic, smart, funny, and beautiful sister – I can’t tell you how blessed I feel that you’re a part of MY family! I love you so much xxx
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