This is mostly a true story!!
A long, long, loooong time ago….well it certainly feels like that, I sort of stumbled along into acting and modelling. That had to be said as I was doing some extra work on a vampire movie out in an area I live not far from now, Kings Seat. Typical film day, we had to be on set at 4-fricken-am, and in make up after signing in. So it’s cold and wet and windy. The location is an abandoned insane asylum. Big luminous floodlights are set up inside and outside of the main empty building. Spitting rain plays invisible/visible as it passes through the light – gusts of dark wind causing frenzied flurries – mesmerising, hypnotising, vampirising – so yeah, it was perfect for filming a horror/vampire movie.
A bunch of us headed up to the gloomy entrance of the building – I was desperate to take a look around and needed to find a partner in crime. Somebody else who liked having the begeezuz scared out of them. Everybody clattered into the front hallway and across to where the lamps could be seen and bizarrely enough, the smell of bacon was coming from. Trestle tables were scattered in some haphazard order, if that’s even possible and there was hustle and bustle going on where breakfast was being prepared. The area was huge, with warped wooden floors – dusty as hell, doors hung off hinges as did cobwebs off every corner and chandelier or light fitting. I wasn’t hungry at 5 am but I could do with coffee and anyway I needed to convince someone to come exploring with me. Someone who didn’t mind if they missed getting picked for some opportune moment in the movie because they were missing…
So I settled in next to someone who looked friendly enough and sipped on my coffee – it sucked, it was not real coffee and I don’t do imitation anything if I can help it – and coffee is a miracle and should be treated as such. Anyway, I’m listening quietly to the discussion I’ve intruded on. I recognise a few faces, the “usuals” and I guess I was one of them too… we swap a few early crinkled grins and raised eyebrows as acknowledgement of each other. Fuck knows what your name is but I usually don’t forget a face.
So it turns out, besides an abandoned insane asylum being creepy enough, it was haunted too. Haunted with psyche nurses who had killed themselves apparently in absolute despair. Now there were two kinds of people sitting around sipping crap coffee listening to the ghost stories. People who get more and more creeped out and just want to cling to the fluffy teddy-bear image they have of life, and then there’s people like me. People like me become more entranced and fascinated with a bad, never done before, you will never make it, you can’t do it, story… and I was sold. When you’re wired like this, you learn to pick out others who see the sick fascination in everything bizarre, unusual and usually incomprehensible. And there they were – two of them who seemed to know each other already. I had never seen them around any of the other jobs I’d been on. So I kept quiet and watched and listened and learned. They were funny and adventurous, curious and tough – I liked them and we all clicked as soon as we started chatting. I introduced myself and as we chatted away and started talking about the creepy old place, a very effeminate, obviously gay man dropped into the conversation and also fitted in perfectly with our twisted fascination of ghosts and things not of sound mind, or body for that matter.
So we slunk off to have a look around at this grey stone, intimidating building. We were in one of many – there was a place where only children were kept. The bunks lined the wall, not two up – but three. The bunks were so close together you would have to be a pretty skinny kid to squeeze your way down to the floor. The so called play ground was a fenced area with one dead, leafless tree or a twisted skeleton was sitting sadly in the middle of a patch of dirt which had become mud now, in the drizzle. The area seemed way too small for all the kids that might have filled all of those bunk beds at one time…even half of them would be a crowd. You could almost see them standing in the rain, clothes dripping, hair clinging to their unloved unwanted skulls. A great sadness hung around this area and it made us all pause and be grateful that we were on the other side, even though Kings Seat was empty – even though it didn’t quite feel like that.
Behind us was the building for the criminally insane. Razor blade wire sat on top of a chain link fence glinting dangerously at us in the flickering lights from afar. I wondered how many desperately crazy people had dreamed of being able to slice their arms on that wire and escape the hell they were in. This place was for those charming individuals who danced around with their mother’s skin draped over them in the moonlight – naturally Ed Gein springs to mind.
We held our mobile phones up to see where we were going and to read or look at things that caught our attention. We moved up to a general patients building. Were they just generally insane? Or did they generally behave under medication? Generally harmless? There was a broken window at the back above a walkway area – possibly made for wheelchair access. We all managed to clamber in after chunking bits of glass off the windows’ edge with a stone. It was incredibly dark and scary. The four of us clung together like shit to a blanket – I didn’t care if I was the blanket or the shit, I just wasn’t letting go come hell or high water.
So there we huddle, like a pack of startled rats. I wanted to make a circle out of us, y’know so we just could shuffle around but our backs were always protected. This started out as a good idea but became obvious very quickly that it was impossible to move through doorways, use stairs or get down hallways with any stealth or logic. We file behind each other and end up in a big open room with huge dormer windows. Bird poop, dust and time had smeared the windows to a level where it wouldn’t have mattered if the sun was shining, nothing was getting through those. The rain against the windows didn’t even manage to make a running pattern against the concreted bird shit and grime. Scattered over the floor were pictures, pictures that had been drawn by the patients who had once lived here. As we wandered through the open room and our eyes became a little more acquainted to the bad light we could see pictures still pinned to the walls. Tendrils of wallpaper hung around the pictures pinned indiscriminately with sometimes only one pin. The paper was yellowed and brittle, the pictures childlike – perhaps used as some sort of therapy. The room looked as if someone had just torn loads of pictures off the walls or out of cupboards and scattered them over the floor, leaving just the odd cluster of those who had time to be pinned. As I looked through some of the pictures I noticed some that were drawn in black, red and purple crayon – angry, hurt drawings. It was weird, standing there, looking into personal demons of strangers. Wondering why there are so many stories of the people who care for the crazy ending up crazy themselves or worse still, dead.
You could almost see a body hanging in a doorway, someone scratching on a wall, another rocking back and forth in some vortex unknown. We took our leave and headed back out through the window and out into the dank dark morning. As we crunched our way around the weed riddled gravel roads we came across a pen type building. There were hoses attached and metal bars that looked like they would pin a human against the wall. We all agreed that this felt like a place where people had been forced to be cleaned or washed. It felt desolate and wet, cold and unforgiving. As we moved through the property we found ourselves in a very oppressive place. We walked through a heavy metal door, we didn’t want to touch it and all of us managed to squeeze through it’s unwilling opening. I stood in the dusty darkness, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was in a narrow low corridor, about ten rooms ran opposite each other with steel doors on each. The rooms themselves were all made of cement – the floor flowed into a cement bed, up into a cement wall and a grater type covering sat over a small oblong window. You wouldn’t be able to put your face up to it or look out onto anything. The whole room was cement, nothing movable. I could feel so much pressure on my body it was weird. As we walked down looking into the rooms we found sad memento’s of those forgotten. A filthy comb on a cement bed, a piece of hopeful rope, a blood smattering, or smear in just about every room. These dungeons stank of pain, sadness and death – death of spirit…
It was so oppressive we all became desperate to get out, panicky – overwhelming stuffiness and cloying glue air. Clambering and squeezing through the impossibly heavy door we fell out of the corridor into an open room and looked at each other, exclaiming how awful that was. We had all been frightened by this creepy old building and the grounds. We had all felt the sadness and suffocating oppressiveness but for some reason it was overwhelming in that close, dark corridor of cement rooms. We made a hurried journey back to the main building, strangely quiet in the slowly iron grey morning. Once we got there amongst the lights and bustle we kind of relaxed a little. The thought of anyone being locked up in those cells made of cement, like a tomb, it was incomprehensible. So with a hot drink in our clutches we tried to warm up a little. Some of the people who had been chatting to my new found friends came over to our huddle and asked us where we had escaped to. After telling them in great detail about our scary travels around Kings Seat we were all called to set and had to stand around for a while in silence most of the time – very tiresome. Anyway at morning tea it seemed that a little tour guide gathering had decided we were going to take them to the creepy tomb-like cells where the insane must have thrown themselves against the walls, clawed at the grater windows till they bled, banged their heads against those concrete walls and some would have killed themselves in there too, no doubt.
We arrived at the huge concrete and steel door into the corridor to the cells. We couldn’t move the door either open more or closed so those who were able and willing, slipped through the gap and into the squashing atmosphere of the tomb. There were lots of ooOOoo’s and aaahhh’s – a shriek and giggling. Slowly people dripped back out of the tombs’ corridor and into where I was standing, unable to go back in after the way I had felt there. No one seemed to be too fussed, I think there were too many of us to feel or allow anything to feel.
We returned to the main building – the adventure had been creepy and mysterious to all of the others but they had not felt what we had felt. The four of us had made surreptitious eye contact, realising that no one else had experienced that suffocating horror, or silent desperateness to get out. None of us had spoken while we had been in that corridor, looking into the cells – it was almost out of some religious or spiritual reason or respect that we were unable to do anything initially and then just want to escape a split second later, with absolute needy desperation…it was strange.
We continued filming after the morning break and lunchtime rolled around. One of the research guys from the crew invited me to sit and have lunch with him. We had met before and he always knew what was going on and when. So I told him what we had been up to and that I thought the place where the psychiatric nurse would have committed suicide would be in that tomb room that the four of us had felt strange in. He looked at me with a slightly confused look on his face.
“Which psyche nurse was this?” he asks
“Well, I think there was more than one who committed suicide because of the patients…” I said, trailing off. He was shaking his head. “Uh uh…that’s not what happened there. You have the wrong story.”
So I ask him to tell me the real deal. Apparently that cement cell block held the most dangerous patients – and was generally full at any one time. The ratio for patient and nurse was one on one due to the nature of the beast. Somehow one of the patients overwhelmed his nurse, a male psyche nurse and suffocated him. He then stealthily crept to the next cell and helped the next patient kill his nurse and so on and so forth until all ten severely violent and disturbed psyche patients were free. As the gathering group moved down the cell block the killing became more and more frenzied as they realised there was nothing that the nurses could do when there was seven of them and only 3 nurses left. Some patients threw bodies against walls and smashed the victims heads open, dangled brains over themselves and ran around screaming.
No one would go in there. The staff believed they would calm down when it came around to meal time and the nightmare could be dealt with then. Well the patients managed to hole up in there for 5 days, eating the bodies of the dead nurses. Then they turned on themselves. That is why there is no Kings Seat Asylum for the Mentally Insane any more – they ate the staff and the clients – real bad for business….
The End
© Kait King, 2015
Words
The Writer’s Blogk: Observation 2
- Poetry, or writing, isn’t a forced process, I wake up at night to scribble down stuff. I keep a pen and notebook at hand so that I don’t lose anything – I may wake up in the clear light of day and just think it’s a load of crap….but at least I get to verify that!
Just take more drugs…
Pain eats you up
it gnaws on my
already
frazzled nerves
Pain is a game
I play against
my self,
my will,
my mind
Pain wears me down
it sucks away at my
strength,
my soul,
my life
© Kait King, 2015
Paper Cups
” Paper is
the bottomless
cup
I can pour
myself into “
© Kait King, 2017
Boy
I watch you grow in
the sunshine of my love
with raindrops of pure joy
you fall around me
endlessly
In the deepest, darkest shadows
You shine your brightest light
every day
every night
My baby boy
you turn my life around
Baby boy
you turn my life upside down
As the seconds with you turn into years
your fearless journey with
true innocence moves away
suddenly you’re a schoolboy
with a schoolbag
who won’t hold my hand anyway
My baby boy
you turn my life around
Beautiful boy
you turn life upside down
Strong enough to climb
the tallest tree
your big brown eyes smile down
your laughter falling like autumn
leaves
fall to cover me
© Kait King, 2015
one two….

2 sugars
1 coffee
stirring up your day
2 people
1 future
they will be ok
1 wish
2 dreams
watch it float away
1 hope
2 worlds
1 lifetime to play
© Kait King, 2015
Treading Water
Speeding up
Slowing down
Maybe just going
Round and round
© Kait King, 2015
Frankenfearless
Frankenfearless –
I am not
The monsters make
me nervous
We meet them almost
every day
So navigating life
can be perilous
© Kait King, 2015
Nowhere

I’m screaming
your name
and it just drops
into
nowhere
© Kait King, 2015
Lyrics to Does me good in my Soul
CH: I know what I have
and I know what I want
What I can’t figure out
is what it is that I don’t
Verse 1: I don’t have to take
their crap
and all that yakkity-yak
that does me no good
in my Soul
Verse 2: I’ve walked down
that track
And I have always
looked back
but that does me no good
in my Soul
Verse 3: ‘Cause I’ve cried
nearly every day
And that’s not just something
I’d say
’cause it does me no good
in my Soul
Verse 4: But then I look
at you
And I know a Love
so true
and that does the World of Good
in my Soul
© Kait King, 2016
When
“When you’re driven – you get places.”
© Kait King, 2015
Loss/values
People experience loss in very different ways. People experience what they value differently too. Depending on what you are taught to value, is how you will experience that loss. If, when growing up, you are taught the difference between giving, taking and sharing we form a basis for understanding value. If you are taught to value money and possessions, that these things make you the person you are, things define you. What if you go bankrupt and lose everything – will you commit suicide? Money and success has represented you and your life.
But if money was not the valued commodity and family was – if you lost everything materialistic, wouldn’t your family or friends have the most important value to you, not your image of success? Family and friends are there when nothing and nobody else is…
How do you define yourself? What is really important to you? How do you represent yourself in the world?
Just food for thought….
I buried you, I hope you don’t mind
What do you mean?
You don’t get it?
I’ve talked the hind leg
off a donkey
telling you why it is
what it is
and no
I don’t regret it
How can you say that?
How would you know?
I get pissed that
I’m not good enough
I won’t put my
assets on show
I watch you
watching yourself
under the radar
so low
Hiding who you
really are
and now I wish
I didn’t know
When did you do that?
Is it like someone I know?
There is no name, no face
No one to show
And I need a body
to bury
So I can let you go
© Kait King, 2015
I can’t help it
Lonely words
on a hungry page
I see you through
a love-drenched haze
I’ll make it through
the crying days
I can’t help it that I love you
Bleeding heart
in a tortured mind
I never thought
You could be unkind
But I ll make it through
the hurting time
I can’t help it that I love you
© Kait King, 2015
Bully
The words that fall
off your fingers
as you tip tap text
to me
are untrue, hurtful
and dangerous
You’re acting like
a bully
I don’t want to do that
but you threaten
me with this
You lied and said
I fucked him
when it was just a kiss
Why are you so
mean to me
What makes it ok
that you and
your so-called friends
hang me
and then
watch me sway
I couldn’t find anyone
I felt I could talk to
See everyone thought
it was true
But now I’m not here
any more –
I hope that’s better
for you…
© Kait King, 2015
tattoo you
my scars inside
and out
are my permanent ink
my life story
my art
© Kait King, 2015
Being the Ogre

You promise
you’ll be home tonight
to kiss the kids and
hold me tight
You tell me it won’t be
the same
until it happens
once again
You say I am
the only one
and what’s been done
can’t be undone
I stay quietly alone
all through the day
watching our kids
grow and play
and when the door opens
later at night
they think you’re home,
that they are all right
But bedtime comes
and they can’t wait up
I am the ogre who’s
taken their pup
Little do they know
you don’t give a damn
Fathers’ like you
shouldn’t be called men
© Kait King, 2015
Please Don’t…

Please don’t make me
feel stupid
for cherishing you
Don’t laugh
at my love
I don’t know what else
to do
Although I guess
it’s pretty clear
that I’m not the one
for you
© Kait King, 2015
☆WTF!??? I’m just so disappointed…I loveD Ellen deGeneres (Ellen theGenerous)

Ellen deGeneres
I feel like you’re one of us
When I see you on TV
I really feel you’re talking to me
And you say life is
not easy
when yours just seems
so breezy
and It’s not money that plays that part
but the love
beating in your heart
UPDATE: Was I so so wrong….💔
© Kait King, 2015
My Joy
My joy
your face
My life
misplaced
My breath
filling space
Alive,
still
© Kait King, 2015
Cataclysmically Incorrect
If I win
I will have won this
fair and square
If I lose
I will have lost this
and won’t have to care
about you
or your new girlfriend
If I’m wrong
I will be cataclysmically incorrect
I will owe on every bet
and beg you to forget her
and her endless bank account
legs and youth
If you could just be brave
and tell the truth
But I see you squirming
awkward in your plush car seat
I can see the worm –
it’s turning
Now it’s with me
you cheat…
© Kait King, 2015
The Neighbourhood
In the neighbourhood
it’s not so good
people get hurt
nearly every day
And even if you knew
who did it
you could never say
In the neighbourhood
it’s not so good
that’s where the body lay
Where his Mama cried
where others had died
And all the community
could do
was pray
© Kait King, 2015
iPad or iCare?

We teach our kids
to have a smaller
phone
a faster car
a bigger home
We teach our kids
to take what
they can
Never mind
if you
stomp on
plant
animal or
man
Little
do we know
the devastating
result
will be that
human life
on Earth
will grind to
an abrupt halt
© Kait King, 2015
Changeling

With a chattering
anxiety
A rattle pill-filled
state
the brain-numbing
chemicals
change the look
on
my face
That’s just
on the
outside
inside
it gets bad
Outside
is just a
cosmetic push
Inside –
you can’t change
sad…
© Kait King, 2016
I Just Wanted

I just wanted
to be happy
As baffling as
that may seem
I just wanted to
spread Kindness
Remove the idea
of being mean
I just wanted
to have Peace
As impossible as
that seems
but it’s ok, they say,
to always have dreams
There is no need to
“stand your ground”
It isn’t yours, for a start
It will still be here
When we’re not around
It’s much better to leave
a piece of your Heart
© Kait King, 2016
Why
Nobody knows me
better than me
Nobody knows better
what will set me free
Nobody knows
what I need better
So why can’t I give it
to me?
© Kait King, 2015
Music Love
Music to my ears
bouncing round my soul
shining through my eyes
making me feel full
precious stones of a polished melody
the funky bass is outta sight
pulling strings in harmony
the drums all sittin’ tight
the words are lazy, cruisey, bluesy
summer feeling
stealing through
the music drifting, holding
lifting
Music Love is true
my Music Love is true…
© Kait King, 2015
Only Sometimes…
Sometimes I pull my jersey
up over my head
or just want to stay curled up
in my too big bed
I just want and wish
everything to go away
I feel numb, time is timeless
and
I don’t know what to say
Sometimes it makes me feel like
I’m only ten
and I’m playing hide ‘n’ seek
again
Sometimes I want to curl into
a ball
and say good bye
to it all
Sometimes I don’t know if I have
the energy to breathe
let alone anything else
life has
up it’s sleeve
Sometimes I wonder
what a life would be like
if I could be set free
without string
and fly like a kite
Sometimes I doubt
what lies in front of me
I try not too look too far ahead
as I might not like
what I see
© Kait King, 2015
Autumn Shuffle

The smell in the air
has changed –
it’s more crisp
it’s more clear
but the sun steps up the day
still grateful when a breeze will play
with your hair
on your skin
the rays tan
a tanned shin
And evening strolls in with a quiet surprise
promising a summer’s eve but making it a lie
There’s still green in abundance
but a yellow starts to show
on the leaves further down
on the branches hanging low
And I wrap my blankets closer
as night saunters in
But I glow warmly in the dark –
it’s the sunburn on my shin
© Kait King, 2016
The Writers’ Blogk: Observation 3
- If you are unable to move your perception around, then you may only be able to write one-dimensionally.
A Mantra for those Suffering from Violence

You will never
have power over me
You’ve taken everything
that you can see
but you will never
have power over me
You will never
have my mind
You’ve beaten me black
held me behind
But I promise, you will never
have my mind
You will never
have my soul
You tell me I’m ugly
stupid and old
But I swear, you will never
have my soul
© Kait King, 2016
Crystal Meth-I-Didn’t-Mean (Methamphetamine)
Crystal Meth
An addicts’ breath
Inhales a
smoky dream
In reality
You’re never free
Just a brains’
endless scream
Crystal Meth
Talk in depth
Required by any means
Close to death
That last crystal breath
It’s not as great as it seems
Crystal Meth
Families bereft
Bury a loved one, crying
Cold caress
This Crystal Meth
And our children
keep on dying
© Kait King, 2016
Be Careful What You Wish For
She gazes across
an icy panacea
The kestrel above
calls when he sees her
The sun, though present,
is fractionated
It’s warmth not worth
being appreciated
A tumble of Schnauzers
race to greet her
A ten out of ten
on the Cute-O-Meter
Gazing liquid eyes
desperate to be touched
It was nobodys’ wonder why
she loved them so much
Their little furry faces
had such a lot to say
She couldn’t imagine being
without them
every single day
Although things weren’t perfect
in a very imperfect life
And she would have no more children
and may never be a wife
But the beauty all around her
and the freedom that she loved
Was all that she had asked for
from the Universe above
© Kait King, 2015
What is it

What do we want
from each other
what do we hope
to discover?
Are you a friend…
or my lover?
© Kait King, 2015
You know you know…..

You already know –
You know you’ve
known for ages
But just didn’t
want to look into
that ugly face
or go to that
ugly place
You knew months ago
when he was angry with you
when all you did
was be excited he was home
and he turned his back
and left you there alone
You already knew
when you could
smell the hint of perfumes
that you know you
don’t wear
Those whispered
phone calls
He doesn’t want you
to hear
You already know –
you know you’ve known
for ages
but just didn’t
want to look
into that ugly lying face
or go to that
ugly empty place
© Kait King, 2015
In spite of

I don’t believe
you have nothing to say
that you don’t want to stand up
and shout
“don’t treat me that way”
I don’t believe
you can keep quiet
for very much longer
the hate in you grows stronger
even though you deny it
it kills you every day
I don’t believe
there is happiness in you
that you skip through every day
that your glasses are a rose-colored hue
that you are not reliant in almost every way
but that’s just not true
You drag yourself through every day
knowing that he will
punch you
humiliate you
control you
and you want to kill him
for killing you –
you try to think of another way
but nothing else will do
you have no money, no car or hope
this mean,
ugly-spirited human
says you can’t cope
in the real world
But you know that’s not true –
right?
© Kait King, 2015
Does it Sting? – aka Pointless

Does it sting?
Can you feel
my hate
my anger
blistering at you?
Inflamed and furious
that not even the
Herculean strength of my own
sanity will tie it down
My bitterness seeps out
of my pores
leaving a trail of
achingly sad tearful
nights and aimless lonely
days
Does it sting?
Can you feel me
loathing you from afar?
My hate for you is so
giant – it has to be visible
surely you can feel this
surely you know I am hating you
betrayed by you, unforgiving
of you – surely….
What do you mean, he’s got another girlfriend?
© Kait King, 2015
The Distance
The distance
between us
has run away
from me
Not even a little
puff of dust
did I get
to see
As the width,
the height,
the breadth,
the length –
Any kind of measure
you care
As it doesn’t
really matter
It only measures
the love
that’s not here
© Kait King, 2015
Kidnapped

You’re bundled
into a car
you don’t know
where you are
You can hear the
indicator blinking
And it triggers your
panicky thinking
You try to count wildly
at something
Knowing ultimately
that this isn’t helping
trying to remember
the twists and bends
Wondering how on Earth
will this all end
© Kait King, 2015
Do the Right Thing

I saw a man dragging a puppy
that didn’t want to go
And everyone else in the street didn’t want to know
“Don’t get involved!” said a nervous Mr Hay
And he crossed over the street
to walk the other way!
I saw a brother pinch his little sister
on her tiny arm
How could anyone want to do
another body harm?
“Don’t get involved!” said a spiteful Miss Melissa
She won’t play with me at school
and is meaner than her sister
I saw a man shout
and push a woman to the ground
She bowed her head and was crying
but you couldn’t hear a sound
“Don’t get involved!” said a crabby Mrs Mend
And I wondered for over a month
if that poor woman had a friend
But now I’m older and I know better
I want to pass this message on
If there’s a body in need
you must always take heed
Because nobody wants to go through it
alone
© Kait King, 2015

