Listening quietly
in the dawn
of the day
My mind
playing games
that my heart
won’t play
Watching us still
in the dark
of my mind
waiting for someone
I can’t seem to find
Holding this close
Not wanting to lose
Making the choice
and then having
to choose
As the falling rain
dampens my heart
I can’t seem to see
Was I blind
from the start?
© Kait King, 2015
Don’t you leave me
left behind
Don’t you cut me
out of your mind
Can’t you see you’re here all alone?
Can’t you hear your heart say
This is home?
Don’t you hurt me for ever more
Don’t you walk away
and leave it all
You can’t hold me like that
then let me go
There’s something more
that you don’t know…
© Kait King, 2015
I know I’ve never loved
anyone, anywhere
in any way even
close to the way
I love you
I’ve never hurt
anyone, anywhere
in any way
more than I’ve tortured myself
about you
© Kait King, 2015
It doesn’t matter
if you wrote it in a letter
caught a plane to
come and get her
Think you really
could do better
Sorry for the day man,
that you met her
she took your money
coz you let her
now that time is just
a blur together
and you look like
you’ve been through the shredder
© Kait King, 2015
The city streets
look oh so sleek
but only when
it rains
Below the glitterati
Porsche
Benz
Maserati
In the parking basement
remain
Below even that
expensive, unreal mat
broken people
who never
have gain
No cash in the casino
No boat in the marina
And no money
to hide
their pain
© Kait King, 2016
That’s a bad combination
A Lover who’s a Man
It doesn’t matter, you see
’cause he’ll take it if it’s free
Yeah…that’s a bad combination
a Lover who’s a Man
© Kait King, 2015
Presumed guilty
before proven innocent
the unwilling participant
Assume the best
and prepare for the worst
Expectation costs nothing
but disappointment hurts
© Kait King, 2015
If I could cut out your
heart
This is how it would
feel
And the music will tell
you
How come it’s so
real
If I could cry with your
eyes
This is how it would
feel
And the words that I
sing
Is how come it’s so
real
© Kait King, 2015
Lonely words
on a hungry page
I see you through
a love-drenched haze
I’ll make it through
the crying days
I can’t help it that I love you
Bleeding heart
in a tortured mind
I never thought
You could be unkind
But I ll make it through
the hurting time
I can’t help it that I love you
© Kait King, 2015
I’ve chosen not to wear my grief and despair
like shards of broken glass or snapped razor blades
on my less-than-me person
I’ve chosen not to hurt others although my pain has
an enormous capacity for imagination or
is that fantasist?
Dissociation, dissonance, disappointment –
I can use it to carve my poor heart a poorer shape
Should I?
I’ve chosen not to
This pain would hurt less
but I don’t need for others to feel
I would rather shelter and protect
Keep safe and trapped those imaginary
demons – who will come to hover like eye-poking
vultures in their scruffiness as I lie here
in the night
Keeping that evil, seeping, energy-sucking
succubus of hurt from me
Arms length – keeping strength
and land stretches towards me
the sand and sea – it pulls away
living is movement not breathing
and earth ties me to a life of dirt
Sunshine and lollipops –
a distraction
merely a time-waster
ball-breaker, man-hater, life-taker
I’ve chosen not to…
© Kait King, 2015
Andy has a problem
he doesn’t know what to do
there’s a monkey glued to his back
and it’s really chewing through
his heart,
his bank account,
his tired soul
Andy has a problem
he doesn’t know how to say
that he doesn’t want to be here
not for another single day
of hurt,
of frustration,
in an angered mind
Andy knows this problem
he knows what he should do
but it wraps him up and chokes him
and he can’t see his way through
another single day
with no way
to feel
Andy can’t reach out for help
that would just mean pain
How can he reach out for help
when his hand is trapped
by shame
and addiction
and fear
© Kait King, 2015
You already know –
You know you’ve
known for ages
But just didn’t
want to look into that ugly face
or go to that ugly place
You knew months ago
when he was angry with you
when all you did
was be excited he was home
and he turned his back
and left you there alone
You already knew
when you could
smell the hint of perfumes
that you know you
don’t wear
Those whispered
phone calls
He doesn’t want you
to hear
You already know –
you know you’ve known
for ages
but just didn’t
want to look
into that ugly lying face
or go to that ugly empty place
© Kait King, 2015
Devil’s dancing
in your eyes
tonight my anger’s
turning
lust related
through your lies
and now my anger’s burning
Trust deflated
a poor disguise
today my anger’s hurting
Love forgotten
nowhere to hide
tomorrow my heart is yearning
© Kait King, 2015
It’s the joker they see
but they’re laughing at me
It won’t show where it really hurts
on the inside
So you’re the stand-up comic
but the joke’s on me
It won’t make any difference
‘cos what you say
is what they see
But when the bell rings
and your playtime is over
who will care and help you mend?
And when I need a friend
to stick to the end
the last person I’d look for
is you
© Kait King, 2015
When standing here
with you
I don’t know what to do
or who to be
A lost and broken
man
Holding out his
hands
I don’t know
where to turn
I was swept up by
you
Crushed and broken too
now I don’t know who I am…
© Kait King, 2015
Does anyone else
ever feel
That this world
isn’t real?
That you know
you don’t belong
Perhaps the ‘Big Guy’
got it wrong
This is not
where you’re meant
to be
Running on the
hamster wheel –
trapped
and not free
Do you ever
think to yourself:
“I am the ostracized alien
I am the one
who doesn’t
fit in!”
And decide to make
a concerted effort
But remain
disappointed
So you retreat
and think,
“Fuck it”
© Kait King, 2016
I just want you to know
that you are not alone
I know it sounds empty –
we can’t talk
I can’t hug you
I can’t invite you into my home
But I need you to know
that there is someone out there
someone who also feels the same
is sick of the same game
and shares the same fears
If I can make you understand
this is not what defines you
but the choices you make
from this day forward
even when you don’t know
what to do
© Kait King, 2015
