Is There Something You Want to Say?

6770e126a537a6ffad7898af07124786-nurse-meme-funny-funny-nursing-quotes

Do you mean to tell me,

forgetful soul

That you love me

even more

Do you mean to tell me

I got it wrong

that I’m not the girl

in that love song

Did I hear you right

Is that what you say?

That you could never love me

any other way?

Do you mean to tell me

I don’t shine so bright

I’m not the one,

You didn’t get it right

Do you mean to tell me

that we should just be friends

That it will only get broken

if we fix it in the end

Did I hear you right?

Is that what you say?

That you couldn’t really

love me

Any other way?

Kait King 2019

(The not-so-cuddly) Security Blanket

 

“It’s like a

Bomb’s gone off

in my head

My body is

numb – it’s

Not there!”

She said

“It’s like I

have really

 lost

my will

Nothing left in

Life

 gives me

the slightest

thrill –

and the depression

has taken me

it’s now complete

I’m shrouded in

The darkness of

The

“Depression Sheet”

She says it’s safe

for her to sit

right there –

She’s comfortable

In

Anxiety

Depression

and

Fear

Kait King July 2021

Music Love

music love

Music to my ears

bouncing round my soul

shining through my eyes

making me feel full

precious stones of a polished melody

the funky bass is outta sight

pulling strings in harmony

the drums all sittin’ tight

the words are lazy, cruisey, bluesy

summer feeling

stealing through

the music drifting, holding

lifting

Music Love is true

my Music Love is true…

© Kait King, 2015

Quiet As A Mouse

I look into

your face

of Evil

You choke

me out

twice

You carry

a kill pack

at all times

You may need

a knife

to slice

It takes

a certain

kind of person

to feel at

home in

a stranger’s

house

You creep

around

the sleeping

hound

as quiet as

a mouse

Your glinting

blade

catches the

light

from a night

lamp

in a little

boy’s room

You stand

and watch

him breathing

while hiding

in the

gloom

Kait King 2021

There’s Nobody There

I think the misty patch above us is my Dad, who has passed, trying to get in on the photograph

My Mum and me xx

I hold your hand

I touch your face

I gently stroke

your hair

Your hands are

cold

Your eyes stay

closed

There is nobody there

I tell you

that I love you

I’m sorry that you’re

here

But I don’t think

you hear me

because nobody’s

there

My grieving started

a while back

And intensified

this year

I thank God you

can’t hear me crying

Because nobody’s there

It’s just a body

we’ll bury

With loving memories

we’ll hold dear

And I will miss you

terribly,

Because you

will

not

be here

Kait King 27th June 2020

Autumn Shuffle

end_of_summer_by_leonid_afremov_by_leonidafremov-d35gm8r

The smell in the air

has changed –

it’s more crisp

it’s more clear

but the sun steps up the day

still grateful when a breeze will play

with your hair

on your skin

the rays tan

a tanned shin

And evening strolls in with a quiet surprise

promising a summer’s eve but making it a lie

There’s still green in abundance

but a yellow starts to show

on the leaves further down

on the branches hanging low

And I wrap my blankets closer

as night saunters in

But I glow warmly in the dark –

it’s the sunburn on my shin

© Kait King, 2016

Born out of love 

Jay hand feeding the seagulls at Manly Beach June 2016.jpg

Jay hand feeding the seagulls at Manly Beach – 9th June 2016

Last night my son, Jay, called from Australia. I love hearing from him and since he’s been away I’ve thought alot on how we battled along when he was young.

I was pretty much a single mum. Of course I had men in my life. I was easy on the eye so naturally men drifted around the proverbial honey-pot. At one point I was working three jobs and still picking Jay up from school and being a full-time mum. I went to a women’s gym and learned wrestling and kick-boxing. Jay would come with me to the gym. He loved it – all of the women cooed over him, played with him and taught him some moves which he promptly practiced on his mates at school and got into trouble for.

I had a nanny job from 3 pm till 7 pm during the week which Jay could also come to. The little boy I was looking after was the same age as Jay and they had a great time playing while I cleaned up the house, chucked a wash on and got dinner sorted before we started some homework which meant Jay got his done too. So like all single mums I juggled. I had a house cleaning job during the day before school ended and also was selling international phone time and signing people up for cheaper international calls. I look back and wonder where on earth did I get all of that energy from? Like a little energizer batteried bunny I just kept going and going and going. My parents were not here in NZ at the time and Jay’s father just seemed to forget about him. Both of his parents were dead, he was a fair bit older than me and had already experienced this loss, therefor Jay didn’t have fraternal grandparents and his maternal ones were in South Africa – a million miles away. So I had no family here and therefore no baby-sitters. I couldn’t afford to pay someone and have money to go out as well.

My main focus was to make sure our home was of a particular standard and that we were located next to the best schools within the district. And that our cat, Gorgeous George, was allowed. Those were critical things I required when renting a property.

So I worked super hard and was a high achiever at pretty much anything I did – even cleaning a fricken toilet was worth my integrity. Anyway, I wanted to give Jay everything. When he was really little of course, he didn’t care, but as he got older and was influenced by the media and peers, things changed. He wanted brand named clothes and shoes etc. It was really hard. It was hard to say I can’t do that or I don’t have that. He had feelings of anger towards me as he grew up into that ‘tween’ stage. He struggled to understand that I had been prepared to leave money, boats and a glamorous life behind me. He didn’t understand that I had taken the most important thing. That nothing but he, Jay, was the most precious thing for me to take. His father didn’t want him, he wasn’t prepared to participate physically, financially or emotionally in Jay’s life.

Even though all of the correct papers were filled out with the divorce and him agreeing to me having full custody, he never financially supported us. I did it on my own. Jay’s father managed to wangle out of any requirement to help support his son. Do you know, the government determined that the father should pay $11.00 a week towards Jay’s keep. That’s why I had 3 jobs. That’s why things were really hard and I had no family to fall back on. Jay and I were the family. I tried to make a family, I wanted a father-figure in Jay’s life. I couldn’t be a mum and a dad. I was a mum, that’s where all my instincts, hormones and chemicals took me – to Mumsville. I didn’t know how to be a dad and neither did I want to.

So we battled along, and it truly was a struggle – we went through the ups and downs of life. We both survived and came out the other end. Now, my beautiful son is so his own person, in spite of the hard times, or is it because of them? When he was in his early twenties and working at real jobs, his money just vanished. He would buy $300 pairs of jeans or shoes, a $75 T-shirt, after shave – living a champagne lifestyle on a beer salary. We had many arguments about money. I gave him money and helped him out, perhaps when I shouldn’t have – in fact many times I think I should have let him flounder but it was just not in me as a mother to watch my son flounder. See, that’s when a father is needed, some hard arse stuff!

Off Jay goes to Oz, he knows he needs to get away to grow and find himself. While I was available it was easy for him to fall back on me. Now, on his own in Australia he was living his own life. He learned who he was and has defined himself. It all comes back to that phone call last night that made my heart swell up so big. Last night he said he realized money was not what he wanted in life. What he wanted was to make a difference in the world. It is one of the proudest moments I have had. Only a few years ago, when I was at university, I had a piece of paper stuck to my wall with:” I will make a difference!” written on it in black marker pen. I woke up every day and went to sleep every night seeing that piece of paper and believing in myself and what I was doing. I wanted to help children and make a difference. Jay saw that paper, he saw my determination, he saw my passion. The parallel belief between myself and my son tells me something. It tells me that I have done the right thing. He wants to save the world, he wants to spread peace, harmony and love. I am so proud of him and there is a sense of relief for me – kind of like my job is done here, but of course not. I have much to do – even from my bed, but not as much as Jay!

Jay will make a difference, he already has and will keep walking that walk – you deserve all things good, my son.

Do the Right Thing

do the right thing

I saw a man dragging a puppy

that didn’t want to go

And everyone else in the street didn’t want to know

“Don’t get involved!” said a nervous Mr Hay

And he crossed over the street

to walk the other way!

I saw a brother pinch his little sister

on her tiny arm

How could anyone want to do

another body harm?

“Don’t get involved!” said a spiteful Miss Melissa

She won’t play with me at school

and is meaner than her sister

I saw a man shout

and push a woman to the ground

She bowed her head and was crying

but you couldn’t hear a sound

“Don’t get involved!” said a crabby Mrs Mend

And I wondered for over a month

if that poor woman had a friend

But now I’m older and I know better

I want to pass this message on

If there’s a body in need

you must always take heed

Because nobody wants to go through it

alone

© Kait King, 2015

You know you know…..

you know you know

You already know –

You know you’ve

known for ages

But just didn’t

want to look into that ugly face

or go to that ugly place

You knew months ago

when he was angry with you

when all you did

was be excited he was home

and he turned his back

and left you there alone

You already knew

when you could

smell the hint of perfumes

that you know you

don’t wear

Those whispered

phone calls

He doesn’t want you

to hear

You already know –

you know you’ve known

for ages

but just didn’t

want to look

into that ugly lying face

or go to that ugly empty place

© Kait King, 2015