A Tortured Soul

Tortured soul

I know I’ve never loved

anyone, anywhere

in any way even

close to the way

I love you

I’ve never hurt

anyone, anywhere

in any way

more than I’ve tortured myself

about you

© Kait King, 2015

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I buried you, I hope you don’t mind

I buried you

What do you mean?

You don’t get it?

I’ve talked the hind leg

off a donkey

telling you why it is

what it is

and no

I don’t regret it

How can you say that?

How would you know?

I get pissed that I’m not good enough

I won’t put my assets on show

I watch you watching yourself

under the radar

so low

Hiding who you really are

and now I wish I didn’t know

When did you do that?

Is it like, someone I know?

There is no name, no face

No one to show

And I need a body to bury

So I can let you go

© Kait King, 2015

Do or Don’t, Can or Can’t

Don't you

Don’t you leave me

left behind

Don’t you cut me

out of your mind

Can’t you see you’re here all alone?

Can’t you hear your heart say

This is home?

Don’t you hurt me for ever more

Don’t you walk away

and leave it all

You can’t hold me like that

then let me go

There’s something more

that you don’t know…

© Kait King, 2015

But I’ve already paid!

Already paid

With some leftover tea

I chuck some painkillers at me

A certain kind of guilt and

a definitive disgust wash over me

I fight every day

to keep a smile on my face

being strong, overcome

I have a new life to embrace

I know this is not what

I signed up for

I’ve paid the full price

for so much more

But I guess some you win

and some you lose

So I experience my life

in a different pair of shoes

But I’m still so sure

I was destined for so much more

so much more

I’ve already paid for

© Kait King, 2015

Last thought in a Playground

playground thought

She’s beating the

crap out of me

I want to be

retaliatory

But I can’t find a gap

to even try

and hit back

She kicks me in

my side

Everyone there wants to see

me cry

I can hear their

jeering calls

of magnified echoes

charging through halls

This strange metamorphosis

in sound

is my ticket off

the gravelly ground

And I can see myself

lying there

The group of bystanders

shout and cheer

My body, I see

crumpled like

a sack

And I never even got a chance

to throw a punch back

© Kait King, 2015

Being the Ogre

being the_Ogre

You promise you’ll be home tonight

to kiss the kids and hold me tight

You tell me it won’t be the same

until it happens once again

You say I am the only one

and what’s been done can’t be undone

I stay quietly alone all through the day

watching our kids grow and play

and when the door opens later at night

they think you’re home, that they are all right

But bedtime comes and they can’t wait up

I am the ogre who’s taken their pup

Little do they know you don’t give a damn

Fathers’ like you shouldn’t be called men

© Kait King, 2015

Is it

Is it

So do you think it may annoy you

should I love you too much

That time would trap you in a heartbeat

If I won’t give you up

Is it crazy to think

that you will only touch my skin

stroke my hair

and let me in

Will it be overwhelming if I say

I love you every day

leave notes in your lunchbox

and always want you to stay

the night

the week

forever

Is it rude of me to want all of you

not a share, a percentage or a piece

but the everything and nothingness

of you

the very most and the very least

© Kait King, 2015

Cataclysmically Incorrect

Cataclysmically incorrectjpg

If I win

I will have won this

fair and square

If I lose

I will have lost this

and won’t have to care

about you

or your new girlfriend

If I’m wrong

I will be cataclysmically incorrect

I will owe on every bet

and beg you to forget her

and her endless bank account

legs and youth

If you could just be brave

and tell the truth

But I see you squirming

awkward in your plush car seat

I can see the worm –

it’s turning

Now it’s with me

you cheat…

© Kait King, 2015

Rescued

rescued

I’ve swum in the tumultuous waters

of despair – with my head below

the covering waters

and my hands clutching at straws

I’ve walked through the burning

sands of the Desert of No Love

with no water and survived –

The vultures of loss calling

above my love-burnt face

A man in the desert found me

and put a champagne flute of

the freshest water to my parched lips

But alas, I could not take a drink

from that crystal vessel

As I lay in quiet sadness

the hungry feathers of the winged beasts

clattered over me

Still gasping to hold onto an existence

a man with no water shadowed

my stricken body – what he saw

drew tears from his already

shrunken form

His heartfelt tears melted away

the dryness and the desert became

lush and green so I could be sheltered

safe in the depth of his protected forest forever…

© Kait King, 2015