When it’s time – it’s time

I’m not looking

for somebody else

I just want to

see you

I completed your

lie detector test

and everything I say

is true

There is no rhyme

or reason

to why we feel

this way

but this won’t

be successful

with all the games

you play

I really want to

believe you

but I think

I’ve been

a fool

I just want to

keep silent –

with you

I’ll lose

my cool

So I cry

quietly

in my pillow

in the night

Knowing things

are ending

Knowing things

aren’t right

Knowing that

no matter what

you don’t love me

the same

I’ll be the one

at night

alone, I’ll cry

your name

© Kait King, 2015

It gets murky…

Jay in suit

It’s not that I’ve forgotten you, sweet angel of mine, it’s that I just lost myself for a little while. You’ve been there so strong and true. Your arms swallow me safely and I’m grateful, so grateful for you. I couldn’t even see your pain because I couldn’t see through mine – the deep dark cloud of despair. I know it’s not forever, but at the moment, a day is a lifetime

For Jay, my nine year old son (at the time) who had to live with me being there, but not there, for nearly five years. I remember just about nothing of that period of time due to the heavy medication I was on. In the photo above he’s twenty 🙂

You’ll say to me


I’m uncomfortably present
awkwardly, I’m here
Cleverly, you’ve trapped me
by playing on my fear
I don’t want to say yes
but something in me is sparked
and if I don’t say yes
I won’t have a heart
you’ll say to me
You’ll say to me
I don’t really love you
that I’m not really into it
and my love is not true
And yet that twist inside me
coils like a snake
ready to make me feel bad
making me ready to hate
myself
© Kait King, 2015