I’m uncomfortably present
awkwardly I’m here
Cleverly you’ve trapped me
by playing on my fear
I don’t want to say yes
but something in me is sparked
and if I don’t say yes
I won’t have a heart
you’ll say to me
You’ll say to me
I don’t really love you
that I’m not really into it
and my love is not true
And yet that twist inside me
coils like a snake
ready to make me feel bad
making me ready to hate
myself
© Kait King, 2015
I’m not looking
for somebody else
I just want to
see you
I completed your
lie detector test
and everything I say
is true
There is no rhyme
or reason
to why we feel
this way
but this won’t
be successful
with all the games
you play
I really want to
believe you
but I think
I’ve been
a fool
I just want to
keep silent –
with you
I’ll lose
my cool
So I cry
quietly
in my pillow
in the night
Knowing things
are ending
Knowing things
aren’t right
Knowing that
no matter what
you don’t love me
the same
I’ll be the one
at night
alone, I’ll cry
your name
© Kait King, 2015
It’s not that I’ve forgotten you, sweet angel of mine, it’s that I just lost myself for a little while. You’ve been there so strong and true. Your arms swallow me safely and I’m grateful, so grateful for you. I couldn’t even see your pain because I couldn’t see through mine – the deep dark cloud of despair. I know it’s not forever, but at the moment, a day is a lifetime
For Jay, my nine year old son (at the time) who had to live with me being there, but not there, for nearly five years. I remember just about nothing of that period of time due to the heavy medication I was on. In the photo above he’s twenty 🙂
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