Never Quite

/ Kait King

Never Quite

You never quite got to be here

You never quite got to breathe in air

I never quite got to touch your face

take you home

show you your place

I never quite got to watch you grow

I never quite got to get to know

you, your love

I never quite got to hold your tiny hand

or do anything else that I had planned

I’ll never quite hear you say “Mum you were right!”

Or get to read bedtime stories at night

You’ll never quite miss me when I am not there

Sadly our lives, this time, we’ll not share…

© Kait King, 2015

73 thoughts on “Never Quite”

  1. Pingback: Never Quite – Judul Situs

  10. This broke my heart. Beautiful, and I could feel the pain. With being a mom to two boys, I couldn’t even imagine the loss some women go through with miscarriage and losing a child. My youngest spent some time in the NICU when he was first born and my husband was overseas in Iraq. Scariest days of my life was watching a machine breathe for him and praying he’d be OK as my heart broke for the mother who lost her child that was right next to him. Those moments forever changed me.

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    • It is heartbreaking and it does change you forever. Our children don’t know at the time but we’re prepared to die for them, anything for them. And sometimes no matter how much you would take their place, it’s not our place to take. It makes many things magnified and tests our very souls. Peace, love n light to you. 🙏

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  18. For me, Kait, the picture and your words pull the two abortions I had. This is something I had always been terrified of discussing, and a pain I kept close to my heart. I was just talking about this with a friend last night, and I said that it is a double-edged sword for me – the guilt of being raised Catholic and believing I killed a child, and the guilt of knowing that it was the best choice I could make. As a mother of 3, it’s impossible for me to reconcile that, except to believe that it was for the best, and that every step leads me here. Thank you for letting me feel this pain without feeling so pained, if that makes sense.

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    • I know exactly what you mean. The beautiful thing about the truth is that it IS the truth. We get so strong facing our demons and nothing said or unsaid changes the fact that it is a truth. Your intention is all that matters and that choice wasn’t made lightly, but for the betterment of you and the fulfillment of your life. You’re here to fill your soul, all of these experiences are insights into us as earthlings, no shame, no guilt, no blame – just peace, love n light 🙂

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  26. Lovely poem as always, Kait, the sorrow is there along with hope for the future that you will meet your unborn son or daughter again at some point in the future. As an agnostic I don’t know whether you will or won’t even though I believe there is a higher being somewhere. The Christian I was brought up to be says that God took the child early because their time had passed previously. Having experienced the excitement of having a child being dashed when my lady miscarried and my daughter did a few years after, I wanted to hide myself away from the world but had to be strong for both of them. I’m not sure that I was much help since I was broken myself. It was such a hard time for us all but I, at least, knew the pain as I felt it too.

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    • I’m a child of the Universe and a spiritual being/energy – I guess Buddhism is the closest thing I can relate to, as in you are responsible for believing in yourself and being accountable for yourself, not blaming something else or a god. I believe love is the answer and I’m here to journey with love in my heart and hope in my soul – hopefully with understanding and empathy too. When you suffer like we have, you seek an answer as to why – the answer for me is that I needed to learn something from this, take something positive out of something very negative, gain understanding, help others to heal or understand….there’s always something more than just the darkest hour – we are humbled, we are reminded we are not so in control, we have the option to stay in the dark or walk into something more purposeful – it doesn’t take away the pain, but it makes the pain worthwhile if we can endure the acceptance. Much love and hugs to you and thank you so much for sharing such personal stories:)

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  28. Pingback: Never Quite | momentarylapseofsanity

    • She’s here with me and will always be 🙂 It brings things into perspective and I only hope you are able to move through any loss – we don’t get over it, we just learn to live with that loss. Hopefully with a knowledge that they would want us to be happy and free of grief – as I would wish for them…blessings and hugs and thank you for your comment 🙂

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  33. I believe this is one of the worst and silent griefs a woman can endure. For the mother she feels the baby.. Names the baby.. Gets the baby’s room ready.. Picked out clothes…
    She would lay for hours not being able to sleep because she is so excited about her child’s future. However, no one else feels those feelings. It’s almost since no one can see the baby… It’s not real yet.
    I’ve Ben there…. It is such a lonely grief…
    Sorry you had to endure this ❤️

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